Monday, September 3, 2012

The Myth I've Been Living

My monthly post is up on NHBO today.

It's something that has been burning in my heart for awhile now so I finally took a deep breath late last week one night after everyone was in bed and spilled it all right on out through many tears and a little bit of snot from boo-hooing all over my keyboard.

You can read it right here. 

I'm anxious to hear your feedback and in the meantime I'll be unloading the RV which currently smells like a combination of bacon and dirty socks.

All signs of a pretty great weekend.


  1. Hi Sonia,
    Wow, thank you for posting this. We have two biological sons, age 4 and 6, and our 2 year old daughter is adopted from Korea. We have just begun the process of adopting a special needs baby girl from China... we are focusing on that. BUT all the while as we begin the homestudy/paperwork process again, trying to focus on this new little girl we are hoping to be matched with, I can't get the though "FOUR YEAR OLD BOY" out of my head. I don't know where it is coming from. It's not logical... we've always been firm about not disrupting the birth order of our children. Plus it just sounds so nice and neat to say we would have two biological boys and two adopted Asian girls... all in beautiful chronological order. BUT....BUT... I can't get this thought of some 4 year old boy in China that seems to be calling my name. Loudly. Repeatedly. Yikes. My husband thinks I am crazy. I can't imagine bringing two home at the same time... but so desperately want to follow what the Lord is calling us to do. THoughts? Advice? Thank you so much for your honestly and humor. :) Jen

  2. Hi Sonia, I think I was the one who asked when the "new normal" sets in. Thank you so much for your candid post. I am learning too (daughter 3 months home) that it's more about acceptance and moving forward than about finding that normal. Thank you for being an encouragement to so many. Blessings on you and your family as you go through this season.

  3. I came home from my first adoption with to two in fifteen seconds! (it sure felt like that) My youngest was only 4 months old, a newborn pretty much He has never had adoption related issues. My oldest made up the difference, he had enough trauma for ten boys. He was and is a HARD child to parent. He did weird stuff, he did weird dangerous stuff, he did what in the H-E-DOUBLE L are you thinking stuff. Some days I never thought we'd make it through. It was take one minute, one second at a time. Some days I wanted leave him by the road side and drive off. (NO, folks I never did) But we (hubby and I) kept our heads down and hunkered down in the trenches with him. We rolled with it, almost always without grace. I've been accused of being the best parent in the world and I've been accused of being the worst. I am not either. Our lives with a post institutional adopted older child are not "normal" and they never will be. I struggled to accept that, but I have (most days). We've had years of therapy (find a good that gets your specific issues these kids are different) which I think helped me more than him but its helping me helped him I think, if you follow me. Two weeks ago we were discharged from therapy! (ten years later) In saying that will I ever say my boy is healed....well that depends on the definition. Does he steal anymore? No, he does not. Is he in trouble 24/7 no he is not. Is he still fixated on sharp things? not the way he was Does he still need to hoard food?....well sort of, He prefers to eat alone at night where he feels safe with his food but I accept that over hiding half eaten food in his shoes or literally in holes he'd make in the walls. Over the years I've learned to let go of normal new or otherwise and instead of trying to heal or fix him, I try to mold his behaviors into something more acceptable to society. Your kids are new and you ARE IN THE TRENCHES. Its a hard hard place to be but it will change from this, I assure. In fact, I'm crazy enough 11 years later to be jumping on the horse, again with yes....TWO more (just confirmed my craziness didn't I) My email is listed here. I am no expert at all, just another mom a bit father down the road. If you ever need to vent, feel free. I will not judge your child by thier actions, nor you. Venting helps...a lot!

  4. I'm still with you on the sidewalk, waving as the bus pulls away yet again. Maybe we should order a margarita together while we wait this out. :)