The Question Mark.

See that question mark up at the top of the header?

Wondering what sweet face will fill up that space?

Yeah.

Me too.

If there is anything that we kinda know, it is raising kids in pairs of two.

Jason and Jordan are 12 months and 14 days apart.

Justin and Jack are 6 minutes apart.

4 boys in 5 years.

1 kid?

We don't know how to do 1 kid.

So two it will be.

Whether on one trip or two, we know that two is what we are lead to.

For now. ;)

This much we knew from the beginning of this journey. Whether we would adopt two was never even a consideration for us. In fact, I venture to say John and I barely exchanged words on this specific part of the adoption process. It's a given around here.

He knew it.

I knew it.

Two is what we do. And after this many years together, we didn't even need to discuss.

So recently there has been a little more urgency being placed on who #2 will be.

We had found another boy whom Joey knows(they go to school together) that we were preparing to officially ask the CC*AA for. He disappeared from the list today.

PRAYING that it is because he has found a family!!

But I will admit. I am having mixed feelings. I am almost mourning him as weird as that sounds. This kiddo had been on the list for so long that I guess I just kinda assumed he'd still be there for another month until we could ask for him.

Don't get me wrong, INCREDIBLY happy that he has a family, but I think what has me feeling discouraged is the thought of starting all over again looking at files.

In the beginning of this process I thought this would be the most "fun", the most interesting.

Uhh. No.

Can I tell ya. It's HEART-WRENCHING. Absolutely heart breaking to look at page after page of these kiddos knowing that most of them will stay in those orphanages until they age out and then be turned out on the street.

It makes me queasy just thinking about it.

So the thought of starting over in that process doesn't exactly get me jumping up and down with excitement.

Ugh.

Anyway, kinda random thoughts today I know. But in truth, it's where my heart is right now.

Waiting to see what God is up to because what I know for sure is that HIS plan is infinitely better than my plan.

Praise the Lord for that.