Buckle up folks because what I am about to tell you could perhaps be the most profound, astonishing thing that I have shared on this blog thus far.
A few weeks ago the doorbell rang.
I opened the door and there stood before me my friend Jen and her husband.
Super nice people.
I like them.
I had no idea they were going to be stopping by.
But here's where the story gets interesting....
The. house. was. clean.
Ya'll, it was like....clean-clean.
Unannounced visitors and the HOUSE WAS ACTUALLY CLEAN?!?!?!
I was unaware that this phenomena actually existed.
Truly I say to you, it was like unicorns were prancing around in unison and the ceiling opened up to display a perfect double rainbow whilst cherubs serenaded us with Bach's 6th movement.
Now typically when visitors stop by unannounced it looks a lil sumpin like dis:
It's 2 in the afternoon and I, for some reason, am still in my pajamas. Which happens like twice a year but darnit...THAT will be the day somebody stops by. There is jelly on my shirt from my Eggo waffle that morning, I have not yet brushed my teeth cuz ya know....still in my jammies and all
and don't get me started on the fact that I'm probably not wearing a brahhhh....never mind.....
Baseball bags and cleats and legos are strewn throughout the lower level, blankets are all over the floor, some small boys Star Wars underwear are laying on the stairs since I dropped it while carrying the laundry upstairs...ahem....
two days ago.
Dishes are overflowing out of the sink, down the hall and into the living room and there will be three TV's on at abhorrently loud volumes with varying professional sports on, none of which are actually being currently being watched.
Now that, is my reality.
Not my everyday reality mind you, but most assuredly it is my when people happen to stop by unannounced reality.
So you can only imagine how happy I was that this had actually happened that it took all I had to not parade them around the house so that they could fully take in it's glorious cleanliness.
I so badly wanted them to pee so that they could see the sparkling bathroom with the newly installed AirWick. Mmmm smells like Lilacs in here!
But I just couldn't bring myself to say, "Do you need to go potty? Cuz dude, you totally can!!"
I wanted to display the hall closet, the pantry, my sock drawer.
I wanted to open up the yogurt and string cheese drawer in the fridge and show her that I had finally throw away the year ago expired applesauce cups from when Jason broke his jaw.
So much I wanted to do. But instead, I had to let them onto the back patio which....of course.....was an ever-loving disaster of shoes, recycling boxes & baseball gloves.
Guess you can't win them all.
Oh, and it's clean again today, so ya'll come on by.
See you soon and drink LOTS of water before you come over!
WTF IS GOAT YOGA: SELFIE, EPISODE 34
1 day ago