Sunday, October 2, 2011

I Hit It.

I hit the wall.


Today is ummmmm.....
I don't know.
Some day or other.

John and I switched on Friday night
he brought the boys up to say hi to Joshua and we partied like rock stars.
We ate in the cafeteria for dinner
played in the playroom
and ran all around the 200 sq feet that is JJ's PICU room.

That's us.

I came home with the other 6 and John stayed up there with Joshua this weekend.
I walked into our home at around 11pm
managed to half heartedly tuck the kids in bed
and then collapsed on my bed.
Fully clothed and on top of the covers.
I slept that way all night.
I'm guessing I was a teensy bit tired.

It's Sunday afternoon and I am about to head back up there to switch back.
I miss him.

He was doing fine and we were in the honeymoon stage of our hospital stay.
The cath was over
we had the result
and we were kickin it in the hospital having as much fun as one can possibly have there.
And then Friday night his heart had some kind of horribly irregular arythmia that brought the doctors and nurses and the alarms going all up in his room in the middle of the night.
It yanks you right back into reality to remember how fragile he is.
They have now put the kabosh on our visits outside the PICU.

Tomorrow is the big day.
It's way more than my brain can really take in.
They are replacing his missing pulmonary valve with the jugular vein of a cow or a pig
closing his large VSD
and closing the duct that kept him alive all these years. 

Surgery is expected to last about 7 hours.
They will wheel him down to the OR around 7am
and then we wait.
And pray.

My heart is divided.
Part of me is rejoicing that this is happeneing as the alternative is obviously devastating.
But the other part of me is terrified for all that is to come in the next few days with him.
And the third part of me.....if that is even absolutely heartbroken that dear friends of ours have not received the same good news regarding their kiddos diagnosis. 

It's been a week.
A long
long week.


  1. I am so amazed that your wall was so long in coming. Girl, you have amazing stamina and strength, and I am so impressed with your ability to keep on pressing on and loving and serving (and blogging) and finding humor and laughter amidst it all. You are inspiring. So glad you were able to get some rest at home before this big week ahead. I have been thinking about you so much...knowing what it's like to live the divided life between hospital and home, worrying about the people in each place and feeling stretched and flattened and emptied. Praying for an extra measure of strength to be poured out on you tonight as you anticipate the big day tomorrow. Trusting with you that all will go smoothly. So sorry to hear about your friends. May God be glorified even in their desert place.

  2. Wow Sonia. We are praying. Our whole sunday school is praying. My family and so many friends are praying. People following my blog are praying. People on twitter are praying. Felt like someone punched me in the gut when you said your friends did not receive the same news as JJ. We love you!

  3. The Lord will fill you back up. It's okay to hit the wall, it really is. We're praying for Joshua!! Much love!!!
    Sweet Rachel is in our prayers too!

  4. I was just praying this morning that you would find some time to take care of yourself. Nursing is exhausting work and in the middle of a crisis it is so easy to get caught up in the many needs of your loved one and neglect yourself. So glad you got a rest! PRAYING for jj and you all throughout this surgery and healing. God obviously has a plan for this young man everything is going to be alright!

  5. Thinking about you, JJ and you family nonstop! Saying prayers for your sweet boy!

  6. I have been thinking a lot about JJ. I pray that everything will go well for you and your boy. Praying that the hands of the surgeon will be guided.

    I can see why you are torn in so many directions!! I am sorry to hear that your friends did not get as good of news :( Praying for them also!!


  7. Praying for you all the time!


  8. Praying for you all and especially for your sweet Joshua.

  9. our family is praying for you in Thunder Bay Canada.

    Linda aka Canadagirl on RQ

  10. Sonia,
    I am so happy for JJ. At the same time I know it's going to be a hard next few weeks. I am praying hard for you guys. Know that.

    I, too, am devastated about Rachel. My heart is so broken!
    Praying for a miracle there.

    Wish I was there with the both of you. (One of these days)
    Hugs, hugs, hugs!!

  11. Praying, and getting ready to post for prayer, for your sweet boy tomorrow. Thankful that you got to sleep in your own bed and be with your other boys. Praying for the Lord's strength to be yours Sonia, for His peace to be yours--tonight and tomorrow as you wait. Praying for His continued healing hand to be upon Joshua as this rescue mission continues.

    Lord, we're trusting you!

    Love from Texas,


  12. For some reason, I didn't think that tomorrow was Joshua's big day. But it IS! Our family is praying for your's, sister. Oh man! I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis. My heart hurts for them.

    Love you,

  13. Will be praying for your precious boy tomorrow.

  14. Glad the boys talked tonight. Sorry I missed it. Hubby and I had our first night out since pre-China. Praying for JJ like crazy. He will be on my heart non-stop tomorrow.

    Love and Hugs,
    Jennifer et al

  15. prayers for your little guy and all of your family during this time!

  16. prayers for all of you...those at home who are missing mom too.

  17. Will be praying all day tomorrow. Hugs to you all.

  18. Praying for his surgery and a full recovery, Sonia, and for your strength...emotionally and stays can be very tough on everyone.

  19. Praying for you and him and your whole family. So much stress you are under. So thankful he can undergo surgery but totally understand your anxiety. Our Jonathan has his big leg surgery tomorrow, but thinking of your Joshua undergoing that type of surgery for 7 hours totally keeps everything in perspective. Can't wait to hear that everything went well!!!

  20. God is so good sweet friend! Feel His all-sufficient grace as He wraps you up tomorrow and holds you close! Wish so much I could be there with you...though Rachel might disagree! :-) I'll be praying like a crazy woman! God's got this!.... Rest there! Lori McCary

  21. We are praying for you! Thanks for taking time to post. We just recently did the hospital switch-out routine for p-flap surgery---totally understand the complete collapse when you get home and the need to go back. God is our Healer; praise Him!

  22. Can't sleep.Up taking care of my husband who had surgery Friday. Getting a head start on praying for your baby's surgery. Hope you are resting. Our God is mighty! He can do all things!! He's got this surgery covered and many people are praying. Have a peaceful day as you wait.

  23. Praying for you and for your family to feel the loving arms of Jesus around you today while you wait. Praying for every doctor and nurse who come into contact with your sweet boy.

  24. will be praying for dear Joshua all day, as well as you. This will be a long day for you I am sure. Stay strong and just think of the glorious end to it all..The things he will be able to do that he hasn't so far..:) That is such a miracle about to unfold..

  25. Praying for JJ again today and for you and the doctors too! Wishing you peace as you wait throughout the day.