The S Word.

I don't know much.
I'm not an adoption expert.
I do what I can.
The very best I can.

And at the end of the day I don't hang my hat on the semantics of it all.
{Course I don't really hang my hat anywhere cuz I'm not really a hat girl.
They make me look funny...but that's a post for another day.
Ahem.
Back on topic please.}

And that's why I guess I was struck when someone mentioned that I used the S word in my latest NHBO post. 

Yep, the S word.

SAVE.

And they mentioned that their hope, for the sake of my children and their privacy and their story, was that they were not growing up being told that I saved them or that they were some sort of savior project to me.


I am thankful to have the opportunity to address that specifically.

After reading the comment
a big part of me want's to say,
"Bbbbbut that's not what I meant!"
I know I'm not "supposed" to use that word
or infer that word
or speak to that word
or invite that word over for dinner and be friends with it.
The adoptive-blogging-invisible-non-existent handbook states very clearly that the S word is not allowed. 

So when I said/used/typed that forbidden word I didn't mean it in the sense that yes,
we wake each of our adopted children up each day and say,

"Good morning! Waffles for breakfast, pool today and don't forget! Mommy and Daddy saved you!"

"Sweet boy, can you pass the mashed potatoes, because really.....you owe me because I saved you."

"Go clean your room because I brought you into this country....and I can take you out."


Nor do we take him out and introduce him as our son...The One Whom We Hath Saved.


In the context of the post I used the S word in relation to our ability to be used a vessel to save{gasp!} his very life.

His LIFE. 
Not his lifestyle.
Not his quality of life. 
Not his ability to be a college graduate.
Not his opportunity to get really good at playing Mario on the Wii.
Not his future in a free country.

His

L
I
F
E.

So though part of me wants to stomp my foot and say, "That's not what I meant!"
the other part of me thinks....wasn't his life indeed saved?
Is it in fact not true that if not for Joshua's adoption he would likely not be alive right now?

Truly.
Not. 
Alive.

Was he saved by adoption?
YES!

Did we save his life?
No!

Was his life indeed saved by adoption through the work of the Lord.
Yep.

Where we saved by the blood of Jesus Christ?
Yep.

Does that make me Jesus?
Nope. 

Am I Joshua's savior?
Nope.

Do I think I am?
No.
No.
No.
And in case you didn't catch it,
NO. 

If you could see our life.
If you could see how we love.
If you could see how we are in the moments when no one is looking....which...oddly enough....look exactly the same as the moments when people are looking.
You would know that me in my pajamas and messy ponytail at 7am standing in the kitchen making a boat load of pancakes while 7 hungry boys hover around and talk to me about what they want to do that day, or what superhero they want to dress up as today, or how they can't wait for baseball season you would see so plainly that I lack any hint of a Savior complex.

I know that.
My kids know that.
My God knows that.
And that...
that is what matters.

Out of curiosity I looked up the definition of save and in case you too are curious...here it is:
save ¹  (sv)

v. saved, sav·ing, saves

v.tr.

1.

a. To rescue from harm, danger, or loss.

b. To set free from the consequences of sin; redeem.

2. To keep in a safe condition; safeguard.

3. To prevent the waste or loss of; conserve.

I assure you
by my own power
I am capable of none of this.
I have the upper body strength of a wet dishrag.
I am afraid of heights, big water slides and giant, mean dogs.
My ability to rescue anything from harm, danger or loss is severely limited by the fact that I am a complete and total wuss.
And last I checked I am so not capable of setting anyone free from a consequence of sin.

So where my intentions in that post to say that I have saved them and that I am raising them to believe as such?
I assure you the answer is no.
Here me when I say my children are not growing up thinking they were some sort of project.
They are growing up in love.
And light.
And the ever present knowledge that are valued, treasured and loved by so many. 

So instead of always running away from the S word how about we run right into the arms of the J word.....the author of salvation Himself.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. John 3:17 

Oh, and in case you wondered...

See.
Told you.
Not a hat girl.