Sunday, March 15, 2015

Dilemna. Big, big GIANT dilemna.

Orientation for the new job starts tomorrow. I have to leave this house at 6:30am to be there on time.
(Not everyday thankgoodness, just tomorrow)
6:30AM, 8 boys and no mom.
Ummmm yeah.

So 8 lunch boxes are ready to roll on the counter.
Shoes are by the door.
Everyone has their uniform and belt in their uniform slots.
Most have clean socks to wear.
All have clean underwear.
I think.
Maybe not.
I dunno.
And I am trying to decide what to wear.
After 18 years in yoga pants and two day old tshirts with varying food stains on them I have to get dressed like a grown up.
A. Grown. Up.

I had a bit of a run at this during my internship but this is more long term.
Thankfully my FB peoples answered my burning question about the appropriateness of panty hose back then.
Was that ever a debate.
Fun times, F.U.N. times.
I love my people.
(Pantyhose are officially out case ya didn't hear)

My "uniform" each day is professional dress with a lab coat, or scrubs.
Help me Rhonda.
Here is my problem.
To me a lab coat says, "I can save your life! I have actual skills to save your life!" 
Scrubs say to me, "I can save your life! I have actual skills to save your life and I wear these scrubs because as I am in the process of saving your life I may or may not end up with blood and/or other various fluids on me and I don't want to ruin my Ralph Lauren button up." 

I ain't gots no skillz that require neither a coat nor scrubs.
I. Am. A. Social. Worker. 
So here's what I can do:

As you are dying I can be of great encouragement.
As you are bleeding, I can fetch the assistance of those (in scrubs!) who can make it stop.
If you are sad, I can help.
If you are mad, I can de-escalate the situation.
If you can't find the bathroom I can show you.
If you need home health care, or some equipment for your home, I can help.
Need to go to an assisted living facility or rehab? Dude. I'm your girl.
If you are homeless and are leaving the hospital with no place to go...Call. Me.

But here's the thing...
None of this
I say none of this
requires a lab coat or scrubs.
I can SO social work the heck out of any situation in a sundress, a cardigan and ballet flats.
Like. A. Boss.

But alas...
Because I am a rule follower....
Professional dress and a lab coat it is.
I may or may not purchase a stethoscope as an accessorizing necklace and run around yelling things like, "Scalpel!" and "Stat!" and "Doughnuts people! I can't keep saving lives without more doughnuts!"
It's gonna be epic.

So here I go.
Off to rifle through clothes and pick an outfit for tomorrow.
if you see me, please don't ask me to save your life.
I'll hold your hand as you go see Jesus,
but ummm......that knife that is sticking out of your chest?
No idea.
I think I saw on TV that I'm not supposed to yank it out....but I can't be sure.
So yeah....other than that.....nothin.
Catcha on the flip side. 
(and if I'm the only one not wearing panty hose.....I so know who you are.....) 


  1. Girl, you got this!

  2. Good Luck!! have enjoyed reading your blog through the adoptions!

    Couldn't help but notice your comment on the panty hose. Hate to throw this wrench into the equation but every hospital I worked for, consulted with, etc. in my almost 40 years still require people to wear 'hose'. They claim it is part of the 'infectious disease' program, just like artificial nails are not allowed. Those rules may not apply everywhere-but at least you will find out in orientation! You'll do great and given your 'sense of humor'- you will be an exceptional social worker. Pam M.