The Hospital Chart

Ok first,
let me say thank you for all of your wisdom about our "custody papers" issue yesterday.
Gracious.
Ya'll are all fired up right alongside me and you had such a great point that we have already "proved" he is our son by the fact that he is enrolled in our insurance.
The office had been sent a referral for him, from our insurance.
This knowledge that we had already submitted 800 papers to prove his adoption when we registered him with our insurance months ago eluded me in that moment.
That is exactly where the burden of proof has been met.
I appreciate your advice and I will let you know what happens on Friday!

In other news,
I've been obsessively planning the details surrounding John's trip to China.
He should be leaving next week!
Hold on.
That sounded really good.
I just have to say that again.
He should be leaving next week!!

I've been going over and over and over the details of everything involved with them coming home
with Joshua being in the hospital
the oxygen delivery
the Ronald McDonald house reservation
where the nearest coffee stand in the hospital is
You know.
The important stuff.

And one thing that I have been hung up on is that it is going to be quite challenging trying to communicate with JJ when he is in the hospital.
It's hard enough when these kids first come home.
But coming off of a 15 hour flight,
being handed to a stranger(uhhhh, that'd be me)
and going straight into the hospital is going to ratchet up the difficulty level a notch or 12.

Are you hurting?
Hungry?
Thirsty?
Uncomfortable?
Cold?
Hot?
Need to go to the bathroom?
You want to watch that crazy yellow sponge named Bob show?

These are the things I will need to know.

And if we learned anything with Jacob and Joey's adoption it is that those translators,
though good in theory
are slighty impractical.
They are too slow.
They are too tempting for little boys to touch while it's thinking about the translation.
Additionally we found that it would often make an error.
"Do you want to take a bubble bath?!"
Could easily become
"Do you want to put the duck head in the dishwasher?!"
I dunno.
They have their place.
It just didn't work for us.

So I decided to kick it old school and make him a little picture chart.
8X10.
Laminated.
With a picture, kinda like this

of a drink.
With the Mandarin character for "thirsty" under it.


And this:

With the character for "hungry".

And so on.
I'm going to keep it small.
One page.
And he will be able to just point at whatever he needs.
Which, when you are recovering from a heart cath and {hopefully} major surgery,
not having to play charades and pantomine everything with your new mother in order to get your needs met
has got to be a relief.

So I need your help!
What am I leaving out?
Hungry.
Thirsty.
Sleepy.
Get away from me you crazy American woman.
Hurt/Pain.
Bathroom.

What else should I put on there?
Bring it.

In other news,
Day 872 waiting on TA
Ha.
Just kidding.
It's been 3 days.
It just feels like 872.

Custody Papers

Well.
It happened.
I think I'm still a little dumbstruck about the whole thing.

Joey has been having some "boy related" issues and when I called the specialists office yesterday to schedule an appointment she asked what he is being seen for.

I briefly explained.
He's 7
We adopted him about 6 months ago
He's been having issues blah-bitty-bitty-blah.

She's says ok, hooks us up for an appointment on Friday and then she said it. 

"Since he's adopted make sure you bring your custody papers with you."

Ummm.
Sorry
what was that?

Custody papers?

Serious?

What.
The.
Heck.

Am I to assume that for the rest of my son's life I will need to travel around with our adoption paperwork to prove to anyone who demands it that he is my son?

Is there a rash of people bringing in children to your clinic for treatment that don't "belong" to the grown ups that brought them there?

His last name is the same as mine.
You have never even seen him.
The only way you would even know he was adopted was because I told you....
and frankly,
had I known you would then demand this of me....I wouldn't have told you.
Huge error on my part.

I thought
at the time
it was pertinent information as to why he is 7 years old and we are just now dealing with this issue
but now......

now I know better.
Much
much 
better.

I think I am a little in shock that when we walk in there on Friday I will have to prove that I am his mother.
"Hello. I'm Sonia.
This is my adopted son Joey.
Here is his citizenship certificate.
Here are our reciepts from the airline when we flew over to meet him.
Here is a baby picture of him the day he was found alone on the steps.
Here is his school registration forms and the contact information for his soccer coach and three other references you can call that will prove our "custody" of him.
Might I provide you with anything else? A piece of hair for a DNA sample perhaps?"

I'm not embarassed or ashamed or anything of that nature that he is adopted
quite the contrary,
but I also don't feel like stamping a big letter A on his forehead and referring to it all.the.time.

I guess I don't have a point to all of this other than to sayI find it incredibly disheartening.

Not only will we forever have to  put "unknown" on all of his medical and family history questions
but now to have to bring my son to them and show them his "paperwork".
Perfect strangers.
People that don't terribly care for or about him.
Yet they subject him to the burden of proof.

He's not just adopted.
He wasn't just an orphan.
He's Joseph.

He's. 
My.
Son.

And those factors do not define him.
Love does,
not your stupid paperwork.

Drumroll Please!

We. Stand. Amazed.

How can he possibly know?


of the movement that is occurring for him an ocean away.
An orphan.
With no one.
With no thing.
Yet here you all are.
Loving him.
Praying for him.
Providing for him.
That will never, never, never cease to bring me to my knees.

We are humbled, grateful, overwhelmed with gratitude and so incredibly thankful that the body of Christ has once again risen up and come alongside us to get this boy home.
You guys have poured out your love, your encouragement, your support and your financial blessing over these last 3 months and I don't think that there is anyway that I will ever to be able to adequately express how truly thankful we are.
Words fail me.
But His Word does not.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need you will abound in every good work. As it is written:
He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.
Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.....This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God."
2 Corinthians 9:8-12

So without further ado
or with ado maybe
I dunno

Here are the randomly selected winners!

Joshua Bracelets(3): A.C., J.H., J.N.
Nordstrom gift card and the Joshua's heart painting: K.P.

Winners I will be emailing you shortly!

With an ever grateful heart,
John, Sonia & Joshua.

Article 5.....Kinda!

But first,
behold the cuteness

Joshua.
12 hours ago.

Current O2 saturation: 69%
After some o' dis:

72%.
Still some crummy numbers but this is
by far the healthiest {and silliest} we have seen him.

Glory.
To.
God!

Our Article 5 will be in the hands of the good folks at the Bay to the Jing on Monday!
After that we wait for our expedited TA to arrive.
Hello airline industry,
my name is Sonia
and I'd like to book a ticket please.

Random Thoughts Part Duh.

Kids are all back in school.
So happy thay r beeing edukated
but I can't tell you how much
I loathe lunch meat at 6am.

John has been out of town overseas the last few days
poor guy isn't going to have a clue what time zone he is in when he gets home and hops on a plane to China a few days later.
Good thing he handles jet lag remarkably well.
Show off.

There is a 1 1/2 year old little boy listed with our agency who has a heart issue.
He needs a family.
And a good cardiologist.
Could you be his mommy?

When the kids are in school all day you can pee with the door open.

Wait.
Please disregard that previous thought.
I'm sure you didn't want to know that.
My bad.

Got stung by a bee the other day.
Ummm. Ow.
I haven't been stung by a bee in years.
Part of me wanted to cry and thrash about, knash my teeth and beg the nearest life guard to call 911.
The other part of me thought I should instead act like a grownup.
I chose grown up.
Though I am still conflicted about whether or not I made the right choice.

Waiting on some Article 5 news today.
If you need me I'll be curled up on the sofa with my coffee cup hitting refresh.

Drawing for the last 3 Joshua bracelets and the $50 Nordstrom gift card is tomorrow!
It's not too late to enter and forever be a part of his journey home as we raise the ransom,
we are so grateful!

Joshua's best friend was adopted yesterday. You can check out all that sweetness right here. 

Finally beginning to feel like we actually live here....well......kinda.
I feel like we have been on standby mode on so many fronts recently that it has been incredibly challenging to fully settle. 

Everyday at 4:30 on military bases the national anthem plays across the base.
We happened to be at the base pool last week round about that time and for the first time Jacob and Joey didn't break out into the Chinese national anthem song whilst the music was playing.

I'm getting nervous about what is to come with Joshua and all that is about to transpire.
I think adoption is a challenge.
I think older child adoption is a challenge.
I think dual adoptions are a challenge.
I think adopting an older child 7 months after you dually adopted older children is a challenge.
I think adopting an older child that is very sick 3 months after you uproot your very new family into a new state is a challenge.
I think I just gave myself a headache.
But suffice it to say,
I'm feeling a bit challenged of late....not discouraged.....just challenged. 
Very, very challenged.
But then things like this come across my inbox and perspective rockets itself right back into place.

I was reading my devotion yesterday morning and read this,
"You will know that your tent is secure.......You will know that your children will be many." Job 5:24-25
This spoke to me for a few reasons.
Did you know Job had 7 sons?
I didn't.
He also had two daughters. Oh my.
Good thing my name isn't Job.

I colored my hair yesterday back to it's more "natural" color.
I look like Elvira.
I also have been scaring the life out of myself every time I walk past  a mirror.
I would post a picture but, well.....
I don't want to.

I'm starting to realize that 7 boys is.....well..... a lot of boys.
Yes.
Yes this thought is just now occurring to me.
Yes.
Yes you may laugh at me. 

This concludes today's episode of Random Thoughts.
Standby for Article 5 news, new pics of Joshua we anticipate receiving in the next couple of days, and status updates on the state of my new hair color.

NVC and a Hunka Hunka Baby Love

Refresh.
Refresh.
Ignore laundry.
Refresh.
Refresh.
Refresh.
Throw an orange at hungry children.
Refresh.

That was my day.

Waiting.
NVC.
They said they'd email our cable
and well
THEY DID!!

We are one big step closer to little man.
Article 5 will be expedited.
TA will be expedited.
Flight from US to China.....soooo not expedited.
Oddly it still takes the same amount of time to fly from here to there regardless of how big a hurry you are in. Weird, I know.

So in between hitting refresh this hunka hunka baby love appeared in my inbox.

Bestill my heart.
baby Joshua.
Circa February 2004.

Start your engines,
we are going to China....soon!

Bringin Him Home.....soon

Brown is the new black.
Pearls are the new diamonds.
Flip flops are the new high heels
(Bahahaha! I made that one up)

and these

These are the hottest accessory of the season!

Handcrafted with love not made in China.
But made because in China there is a sweet kid waiting for his family.
That'd be us.
And this?
This would be our 3rd adoption in 7 months.
Which means that our piggy bank is a little empty at the moment.
In fact I think I heard it snorting in laughter when it found out how much is still needed to get him home. 

I have got to get a new piggybank.
This one has attitude.
But I digress.

So it is with that that we come to you with this giveaway.

The last 3 available Joshua bracelets. 

One entry: $5
Three entry's....entries.....entrys?.....perhaps we should Chip In for a grammar class for me
Three entry's/entries/entrys chances: $10
and so on and so forth and such as and therefore and such and such.

One free entry for sharing on yo blog or the book of face to help us spread the word.
One entry for being a follower, if you already a follower, first of all yay you!
And second, just let me know in the comments and I'll throw yo name in again for an entry.

And just for fun we are going to throw in a $50 Nordstrom gift card.
AND

the winner of the gift card will also be getting this Joshua's Heart painting lovingly crafted by my friend Julie.

I can't look at it without crying. But I'm weird like that.

So that's 4 chances of winning something.
And who doesn't like winning something.
And if you are saying to yourself right now,
"Well me, I don't like winning anything."
Then I'm not sure we should be friends.

Since we are getting very close to travel we will wrap this up one week from today so next Friday, August 26th the winners will be announced!
Woot to the woot!

Team Joshua ~ The Sequeal

Rumor has it there may be a few more Joshua bracelets on the way
in the form of a little giveaway. :)

Standby for the deets coming later today!

dun, Dun DUNNNNNNNN

Did I sound dramatic?
Ok.
Good.
That was my best drama voice.
It's all I got...
well, that and
You Can't Handle the Truth and Don't Make Me Pull Over and Did You Really Brush Your Teeth Or Did You Just Hold The Brush Under The Water and When Exactly Was The Last Time You Showered and....well, never mind.


Sincerely,
Sonia, the Drama Queen.

A Public Service Announcement

This sign

means absolutely nothing to a small 7 year old Mandarin reader.
Don't ask me how I know.
But it was loud.
Very, very loud.

Bless his little Chinese heart.

The End.

Random Thoughts by Sonia.

School started for the bigs yesterday
......I can hear the angels singing
......errrr....I mean
I miss them so terribly much.
Yep.
That's totally what I meant.
Ahem.

One of them....I won't mention who.....neccessitates being woken up 45 minutes before it's time to leave
only to then remain in the bed for 43 of those minutes at which point Jordan leaps up, jumps in a 25 second shower and dashes out the door inevitbably making us a few minutes behind schedule...each day.
It's big fun.
And by "big fun"
I mean not fun at all.
It is indeed the opposite of fun.

Jason keeps leaving his retainer at home.
I paid an obscene amount of money for those teeth and at this point I am about to tackle him, hold him down and super glue that retainer to his mouth.
Unless...once again...you are our social worker reading this...in which case again.....I know not of which I speak and instead I will continue to gently and lovingly remind said child to pretty please with a cherry on top, if he could remember to keep his retainer in his lovingly created, precious mouth.

We seem to have a hiccup going on at NVC.
There is no record of our kiddo in their system.
That's not good.
But Super Jessa is on the case.
So I have a feeling all will be resolved quite quickly.
I think the enemy is just trying to pull out all the stops as we get closer and closer to giving this boy love and life and hope and introducing him to the name of Jesus.
Devil be gone. My God is bigger.

John is TDY the past couple of days.
Do you know what that means?
It means I can make my favorite French Vanilla Dunkin Donuts coffee in the morning.
He doesn't like French Vanilla Dunkin Donuts coffee.
He like it's plain.
I however, do like French Vanilla Dunkin Donuts coffee
though I find that typing French Vanilla Dunkin  Donuts coffee exhausting...I'd rather drink it.
I think from this point forward we should just call it FVDDC
cuz I'm lazy like that.

In related TDY news,
John's alarm clock went off at 5:30am this morning
for no particular purpose
I guess it misses him
Or he forgot to turn it off before he left. 
His alarm clock and I do not get along.
It has many buttons that I am unedukated about.
There is no "off"
there are just symbols
Symbols and I are not good friends at 5:30am.

I am wearing the same skirt and tank top that I wore yesterday.
Please don't tell anyone.

The shower is all stopped up.
I dislike that.
Half shower/half bath.
I like a shower.
I like a bath.
I do not like a shath.
Or a bathower.

Little kids are watching Tangled as we speak....errrrr.....type.....errrr.....read.
It's the first time they have sat still all at the same time all summer.
Not kidding.

Little kids start school on Tuesday.
I'm looking forward to Tuesday.
I think I'll enjoy a very quiet cuppa FVDDC on Tuesday.

This concludes today's episode of Random Thoughts by Sonia.

At Which Point He Passed Out

Jordan.
Oh how I love that child.

He {apparently} has had some type of infection brewing in the nail bed of his finger tip.
For a long time.
Like a long, long time.

Yesterday he didn't look so good.
Felt a lil bit drudgy.
Lil bit pale mixed in with hews of green.

Until round about 11:00 as we are about to eat some lunch he flashes his finger at me and says,
"Mom. This kinda hurts."

It. Was. HUGE.

And green
and hot
and a bundle of nastiness.

We headed to the nearest minor illness urgent care place whereupon the doctor immediatley looks at me and says,
"Why haven't you brought him to the doctor sooner for this?"

Ummm.
Well.
He's 13.
He's a 13 year old boy. 
He doesn't tell me these things,
nor do I expend an inordinate amount of time investigating his fingertips.
Plus
he's Jordan. 
And it's just how he rolls.

They got him all set up to lance it and at the first poke of the needle for the Lidicain
homeslice was out.
He's just like his father.

The men around here are weaksauce.

In Team Joshua bracelet news they are gone
gone like Donkey Kong.
Wow.
You guys are ahhhh-mazing.

Big, GIANT props and thanks to Tina for literally being the hands of Jesus as she beaded and beaded
and mailed
and beaded and...
well.....beaded some more
all in an effort to bring our son home.
She's wicked cool like dat.

I also like saying props and wicked cool and dat. 
It makes me feel
cool
and hip
and jiggy with a variety of things.

I'm off now to inspect all of my children's fingertips for signs of infection.
My life is nothing if not glamorous. 

Nope, Not Today.

No blog post today.
Somehow my day got away from me
I can't remember why

Oh wait.
Now I remember.

7 boys people.
7 boys.
Lord help me.

Because I Know You're Out There...

And you...
like me...
might just be crazy enough to have one or three or seven children
I thought you might want to drool over this with me.

Check it.

That my friends, is a bunk bed.
That is a bunk bed fo 3!
Where the heck have I been?!
I didn't even know they made such things!

Our 3 Asian sensations are going to be sharing a room
so in my quest to procure a cheap...ahem...modestly priced bed for the three of them
I stumbled across this beauty,

And then I stumbled across it's $1,500 price tag...plus the $500 for the drawers...plus the extra mattress
and then
well
and then it lost a significant amount of it's beauty.

Now I'm off to price sleeping bags instead.
That would be fun yes?!
It'd be like camping every night!

Fire up the smores!
Gather the wood!
Open the canned sausages!

Unless of course you are our social worker reading this
in which case you heard nothing....
these are not the droids you are looking for.

I-800 Approval Baby!

What.
A.
Day.
Yesterday.

I-800 approval.
Which is just fan-stinkin-tastic.

Then after breaking the refresh button on the computer
this bundle of handsomeness was staring back at me.

Us looking at him
looking at us.
Wait.
I think I just confused myself.
What's my name?

I know buddy.
Mom's such a dork.

And then, as if that all isn't enough, the bracelets sold out in one afternoon.

But there are more now! Go here!
Can I just tell you that the thought of a group of women across the United States wearing bracelets in honor of my son absolutely brings me to. my. knees.
Heck with Team Jacob
or Team Edward.
Team Joshua is where it's at.

Now that.
That is a day.
So much to be thankful for.
So much to be humbled by.
So much to give GLORY TO HIM for
because all of this?
This is not of me.
It's of Him.

Daily I sit here and watch adoption process mountains moving.
We are on month 3 since we started and in a few weeks we will be on a plane.
Glory.

He seems to be hangin in there physically.
The mom that is there now said that the director said he had just come off of his oxygen when they arrived and said this,
"I guessed that it was probably him on O2 with how blue his lips were and I noticed that he was sitting in most of our pictures.  He was up more off and on while we were in there, so I didn't notice it so much until I saw the pictures. So glad you'll be here soon!"

It's like he knows help is on the way.
A few more weeks buddy. Just a few more weeks.
Glory.

And you guys.
Wow.
You guys.
Are pouring out your blessing by providing for us financially to be able to go and get him.
Glory, glory, glory.

Now that
dear friends.
That is a good day.
Glory to HIM.

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. 1 Peter 1:8

Humbled.

I stand in awe of the love that my friend Tina is pouring out on us.

Joshua bracelets.

I. am. amazed. 
Be still my heart.
Each one has a tiny heart bead in it.
Want one?
Want to be a part of the God sized miracle that is bringing Joshua home?
Go here for the details.

I have to go grab another kleenex now.
It's my 8th since seeing her blog post.
I'm just sayin.

The LOCKBOX....my thoughts.

I loathe that lockbox.

I don't loathe much really.
Spam maybe....I guess I loathe that.
Pee-pee on my toilet seat from all these boys....that is definitely loathe worthy.
Famine, war, grape juice on the carpet.
These things also make my loathey list.

But man.
That lockbox.
That lockbox is steadily rising on my list.

We had to send our Sup 3 notating our move into the lockbox
so the good folks at the Treasury could get yet another fat check of mine.
I'd say in the last 6 months with these three adoptions we have single handily paid the salaries of at least a few Dept. of Homeland Security's employees.
And they didn't even send me a thank you note.
But I'm not bitter.

Ok.
Maybe I'm a little bitter.

But I sense I have gotten off track.

Anyhoo.
The Sup 3.
It is in the lockbox.
And apparently being held captive there.
Without it's parole we cannot move forward.
Which...
well,
bites. 

Nonetheless
we are getting close.
Like close, close.
And if I was a gamblin woman
I'd say it's gonna be wheels up in about 3-4 weeks.

Just thought I'd give ya a little update.
I'm switching back over now to refresh my email for the ten bazillionth time today..
seeing the name "Jessa" in my inbox is like my favorite thing these days.
Well, my favorite next to Jesus
and fettucini alfredo
and philly cheesesteaks from the BX food court
and well
never mind.

I'm hungry. 

One Word

Just one word this Wednesday

Overwhelmed.

Whew.
I'm feelin it.
Will return to our regularly scheduled blogging tomorrow.
Today I'm putting my head back in the sand.
It was so much more fun there.


And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

The Reaction

After our disappointing news of last week I forgot to share Jacob and Joey's reaction to the fact that anotha brotha was on the way.

In a perfect world I guess they would have said something like,
"Well golly gee mom and dad. That's sounds like a super dee duper I idea."

Instead?

Instead it went a lil sumpin like dis...

This child

politely said, "No thank you." and then began naming a variety of other families that he could go live with
but that we could still be his friend and see him often.
He did, however, request that we have a baby instead.
At which point my uterus detached itself from me and took off running full tilt down the street. 
A baby?
Ummm....well....let's see....
how do I put this.....

N
O.

And then about 20 minutes later he had his markers out and began writing welcome home signs and asking if Joshua could sleep in his room.

Joey had a completely postivie reaction right out of the gate....
"Joey! Whatcha think about having our friend Joshua in our family?"
"Yeah, that's good!"
5 minutes later.....
"Joey! Won't it be fun to have Joshua in our home?"
"Whose Joshua?"

Yep.
That's Joey.
Bless his little forgetful heart.

All of that to say.
They are pumped.
They are ready
and my ohhhhh my
so are we.

I-800 approval coming any day now
Uterus last seen on I-5 headed south.

The Diagnosis.

First of all you should know that I sat and cried over every comment and every verse yesterday.
For that
I thank you.
It was like water to my soul as I read scripture after scripture after prayer after encouragement from all of you.
The fact that our son,
an ocean away
is being absolutely bathed in prayer
is so
so
incredibly comforting.

Over the last two months we've had a few questions about what his diagnosis is exactly.
I have hesitated sharing mainly because we don't know everything
and moreover
I am not a cardiologist.
Nor do I play one on TV.
So my explanation would sound something like
Well. You see there is this doddlydoo called a heart.
And his thingybobber in his heart is missing and his whatchamacalit is not working correctly and
and...
and then you would have said I'm an idiot
and stop being my friend.

So you see.
You see why I haven't shared.

But it's a new day
and I thought it helpful for you to know exactly what we are praying for.
So forgive me if I butcher the medical jargon
or if I get something wrong
because trying to memorize every detail in a lengthy report
and especially remembering the deets from a rather startling phone call
is way beyond my pay grade.

With that in mind
giddy-up
here we go.

Joshua has Tetraolgy of Fallot with Pulmonary Atresia.
Tetralogy of Fallot in itself is an ugly enough beast to tackle
but you throw in the PA and things get a little interesting.
Add to that,
as the cardiac team said yesterday
his case is "the most severe."

As with anything
there are varying degrees of these issues
and he happens to {apparently} have the worst case scenario.
Pulmonary atresia (PA) with VSD is considered the extreme end of the anatomic spectrum of Tetralogy of Fallot.

Essentially Joshua is missing his pulmonary artery and pulmonary valve.
Some kids with this affliction have most of the artery and corresponding blood supply and wiring
Some kids have some of the artery and vessels
and some have none.
Joshua appears to have none.

When there is some remaining they can group all of those little vessels and such together and artificially form a functioning artery and make the blood in your heart go in the direction it needs to go.

But when the tiny little "collateral's" are everywhere with no real direction the arteries are called non-confluent.
That is bad.
Very, very bad.
According to the phone call of yesterday
this appears to be the case with him.

Essentially if you imagine a tree with a bunch of tiny branches. If they are all near one another and all producing good nutrients then you can theoretically group them together and form one large main branch.

If the tiny little branches are all over the tree, all only doing a little bit of the work then it is very difficult to grab them and group them together to work appropriately.
Technically speaking the goal is the "unifocalization of as many of the aortopulmonary collaterals as possible into a central pulmonary artery confluence."
Did you get that?
Yeah.
Me neither.


As with any adoption
we know and have some information
and we don't know and lack some information.

What we, and his soon to be cardiologist, do have is the Chinese doctors written report from his findings when they did Joshua's heart cath years ago.
What we don't have
are the actual films or images from it.

The written report indicates that he has the tiny branches that are everywhere
none of which are really effectively doing anything.
No valve, no large artery's where they should be.
Which would be why his o2 saturation is at 65% amongst other issues
and why China said no go. Nothing we can do. 

This is the place we find ourselves in.
If the written report is correct then they feel he will indeed not be a candidate for surgery.
If the written report is incorrect
then it's a whole new ball game.

Honestly?
My head has been in the sand.
I like my head in the sand.
It's quiet.
It's peaceful.
Kids don't die of heart defects.
It's a comfy place to be. 

Yesterday?
Yesterday fully yanked my head right up on outta there.
I hadn't really been giving much credence to the possiblity that things won't go the way we hoped them to go.
Optimist.
That's me.
And I was living in a place called De-Nile.

We've known from the beginning that it could go either way
but gracious that phone call,
actually hearing it
come out of the mouth of the #2 guy in the country that deals with these issues
was a big
giant
reality check.

There was no sugar coating it
there was no false hope given
it was real.
It was scary.
It.was.jarring.

It just took me a few hours
~stupid flesh~
to turn from what he said...
to what HE said.

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end." Revelation 22:13

That puts us somewhere in the middle.

I read that today and thought
YES
that's exactly it.

So that is where we keep our eyes
our hope
our trust
our child
fully focused on HIM.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord". Romans 8: 38-39.

Devastated.

Inoperable.

The long awaited doctor phone call from the man that will be treating Joshua came today.

We are devastated.

Quite honestly,
my optimistic self didn't see this coming.

We will know conclusively when he gets here and they are able to do a heart cath
which we've known all along
but according to what they do know now,
the opinion of the cardiac team is that
it "doesn't look promising".

Please stand in the gap for our sweet boy and pray for his miracle.
My heart is heavy
yet I still hope.

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in You. Psalm 39:7

What Not To Do When You Are Talking To Your Agency

We may have a problem.

A big
giant
insurmountable
problem.

I think....
gosh this is hard for me to say...
~ deep breath ~
I think
that our agency is questioning...
~sigh~
questioning my competency to parent.

I know.
I know.
It's terrible.

I was talking to them yesterday
and I
well...
I asked her to hold on while I looked for my phone to get an address from it for her.

Here's the problem...
I was...
I was
holding
the
phone
In.
My.
Hand.

Speaking into it actually.
I was on the phone
while looking for the phone.

I'm pretty sure they've decided I am unfit
and I think there is a competency hearing in my future.
Gotta go now and find the computer so I can do some research...
dang...where is that computer?
It was just here a bit ago.
Anybody?
Anybody seen my computer?

Well.....I didn't see that coming.

Day 21
and
IT.
IS.
HERE!

I think we just found out the definition of "The Most Rapid Process".
It's means fast.
Wicked fast.

Oh. My. Guhracious
we are really going to China
and we just may reach him in time.
Praise. Him.

We do have a few hiccups to overcome before we can speed down the proverbial and literal adoption runway but nonetheless it will be wheels up soon.

When the AF moves you in the midst of an adoption it takes a bit for things to catch up from here to there and so on and so forth and such and such.
But nothing insurmountable
and nothing that will hold us back for long.

We are telling Jacob and Joey tonight
dun...Dun....DUN!!!

Now where on earth did I put that travel agent's phone number....
and someone please pass me a paper bag....I think I'm hyperventilating.