The Orphanage

Here are a few pictures of the orphanage that were snapped by some families that have recently traveled to go pick up their kiddos.

I vasiclate between combing every inch of every photograph commiting them to memory and then on the other end of the spectrum,
not even being able to look at pictures like this......the toddler beds.

Where Joey and Jacob slept
for
years
all
alone.

I think between our four boys they probably got up and out of bed during their toddler years no less than 8.2 million times over the years. Whether because they were sick or scared or in need of a snuggle.
Which begs the question
who did Jacob and Joey run to?
Anyone?
Yeah.
I can't even think about the cribs and the infant days....
That's why those kinds of pictures are so very hard to look at.....
and why they leave me in tears, a complete puddle of goo on the floor.

They will be moved out of their foster home and back into the orphanage very soon where they will wait for us.
I can barely type that without crying.
The upheavel.
The loss.
The fear they must have.
The unknown.

And then I stumble across photos like this

where I catch a glimpse of one of them (Jacob, top row, middle) and
I
see
my
son.
Who will very soon no longer be called an orphan and will not ever spend another night alone and that thought fuels the fight for another day and fuels the love that is ever growing for two boys whom I've never met but love 
all
the
same.

Through all of this I am so very grateful for so many things, namely that I don't think the orphanage is a foreign place for them. They weren't moved into foster care until they were four so they have at least some familiarity with the place.
They also have each other.......this is big in my thankful book.
These thoughts are what I cling to when I think of the coming days for them as the anticipation builds and they experience that transition time between their home now and the home and family that is coming very soon. 
But mainly the knowledge that though I can't be with them,
HE can.
And He always has been.