Gracious.
I feel like I've got my butt kicked by a couple of 7 year olds.
Oh wait.
I did.
Re-entry has been tough.
Like tough-tough.
As in
good
gracious
I
am
in
waaayyy
over
my
head
tough.
and in my "Well that won't happen to me because I have parented in sets of two before" frame of mind
I was sadly unprepared.
My two boys who were best friends in China have become, in America, competitors for love and attention.
Much more to come about this in the coming days as I am come out of my state of shock slowly....very,
very
slowly.
Essentially I have decided that our time in China was a bit like being in a bubble.
A perfect, safe little bubble......for them.
Still in their own country.
Still eating their own food.
Still surrounded by their own language.
And this?
Well...
this
is
reality.
And reality?
Well....
this
is
much
much
harder.
Someone asked me yesterday how we are doing....to which I replied
"Not very well."
To which she said
"Well, at least your honest."
Much more honesty to come.
I think I'm starting to find my feet again.
Thanks for hanging in there with me.
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We will pray for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Darlin' it will be okay. I am so sorry to hear you are having a rough go of it. I know you are praying and I will be praying (more than I already was) too. It hasn't even been a whole week yet. I am sure the jet lag isn't helping anyone either. Can you do like you did when the twins were born? You know, cuddle up in a chair with one on each side and just be together. Well, except that the twins were nursing, but you get my drift. You Can Do It. Love you!
ReplyDeleteoh, girlfriend...it will get better I AM SURE! Those boys will soon discover that your family, with you and God at the center of it, has more than enough love to embrace them both completely. They have NEVER had that. I am sure that they are apprehensive to open up to the vulnerability they feel for giving into that new feeling. It must be scary for them. You are doing AMAZING! Have faith in yourself- I do!
ReplyDeleteOh, Sonia, I get it, Sister! Duo adoption is h.a.r.d. anyway. And leaving the bubble is really hard. Especially when Mama needs sleep! It will get better. And if anyone offers to pamper you...just say YES!
ReplyDeleteI'll hang in there with you and continue to pray for you. All family changes are hard and this was/is a HUGE one. You haven't been home all too long...I would think time and rest will settle things down for all of you. I do love your honesty...and sense of humor through it all.
ReplyDeletei hear you-- and while i have never adopted 2 at once -- i know that what you're going thru is hard. in china can be so deceiving-- i know we had our butt kicked when amy came home.-- she did so well in china and then BAM reality hit.. and it hurts:( lots of love... are you able to scoot out when john comes home for a starbucks run for some well deserved you time???
ReplyDeleteOh girl! I'm praying for you. I can just imagine how hard it is...and we did do a dual adoption - even at 15 months they competed for my love, attention and security.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't ask for advice, so I'm just going to tell you what I did! ;-) The most beneficial thing for me was to just FORGET about the HOUSE stuff. Seriously, I spent like the first year my boys were home simply sitting on the floor...being a human arm chair/pillow/bed. I found if I was trying to do a CHORE and they interrupted me, I was irritated and more exhausted. But once I "gave in" and just accepted that my FULL-TIME job was to be "there" for them, my energy level could handle it all. Now - I did not have 4 other boys at home. 2 more, yes, but not 4!
I will pray for you and your strength. I know you will find your groove!
Your honesty is awesome. Now we all know how to pray. I can't imagine...but I know even in the worst moments those two little boys know they are loved and in time, "normal" will settle in for your family. Hugs and prayers. Lean on your Father...and your friends!!!
ReplyDeleteSonia, It does get better. Call me!!! Talk to me!!! Jean can offer lots of help with adding more than one at a time. All you are experiencing is normal, not to say it isn't hard though too. I am so here for you!! You will get your groove back as Donna said, but no reason not to get help from those who have adopted older kids before. Hugs!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Sonia, take a deep breathe.. close your eyes and just breathe! It does get better, but first you'll be tested, tried, pulled and kicked again and again. You'll have doubt, and they'll have doubt, but in the end you ALL will be stronger!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you!!
Krista D
We are praying.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet Sonia I am praying for you and your beautiful family!
ReplyDeleteWhew! The stalking was getting pretty bad- thanks for filling us in on what's happening, even if it's far from roses right now. There are SO many issues with IA that each family has to work through in their own way. For us, we had to work through our previously sweet daughter thinking it was okay to subtly knock her new brother down every time she passed him in the hallway. The general consensus is to give everyone, even yourself, three months before you evaluate ANYTHING. Just live, love on them as much as possible, sleep as much as you can, and pray, pray, pray! :) It WILL get better!
ReplyDeleteSonia, I am praying for you! Praying for your family. Praying for you and John to be given wisdom, rest, and to be filled with love so it can continue to overflow to these boys who are just soaking it up for the first time in their lives. I pray that they will feel the love and be reassured, that they will learn to trust and feel confident in that love. That they would know the perfect love of Jesus Christ, and until then, that they would feel God's love and peace, even if they don't know the source yet. Hugs to all of you! I can't even wrap my head around all that your family must be going through.
ReplyDelete{{{Hugs}}} So sorry it has been rough. Just know you are doing the right thing and that in your weakness, He is strong.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty and transparency!
It WILL get better! We've been home 2 months with our 5 year old Longgang son who saw our 4 year old daughter as competition. It was so difficult with jet lag and homeschooling and language learning and fights all day long. It's so much better now. Hang tough! Only a little more time til you will have beaten jet lag... then everything gets better.
ReplyDeleteI'm joining your reality club. We only brought one home, but have another who is vying for attention to the point of tears and wanting to move in with grandma and papa. This is not for the faint of heart. We can...WILL...do this!
ReplyDeleteSounds familiar- we have sisters that would not leave each others side. One went to a foster home and both shut down and could not function without the other...
ReplyDeleteOn Gotcha day- they literally pushed each other out of the way to be the first, best, favorite, get the most love, etc... Their past togetherness flew out the window in a blink of an eye.
I completely understand! It will get better BUT it does take time!
Hang in there!
and get some sleep!
The world is a much better place with sleep!
And I'm a much nicer person with sleep- I'm guessing you are too!
((hugs))
I am so impressed by you - going this route, being honest, and loving those boys! I hope that things get easier sooner than later, but I KNOW you can handle it!!!
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
ReplyDeleteGirl, re-entry is TOUGH!! I didn't have 2, but I was shocked at how hard the adjustment was. The jetlag is awful and affects EVERYTHING!! I was shocked to realize that I wasn't really prepared for the changes that would have to happen in my own schedule/life. Hang in there...it will get better. I will be praying for your whole family as you all adjust.
ReplyDeleteOh girl. Know that I will keep on my knees for you in Hong Kong. I trust these days are normal and necessary steps to finding their new normal. You are not only blessed ... you've been chosen for this very task.
ReplyDeleteLove & Blessings from Hong Kong,
Kim
Hang in there Sonia...you will overcome! We added one to our one from China and the competition for love and affection is fierce but it does get better. We are just hitting our three month mark and I agree that it's tough to even think straight anything before those first three months are over. Love will prevail. Love em and hold em tight!!
ReplyDeleteAwww Sonia....HUGS...lots and LOTS of hugs! I remember so well how exhausted I was from jet lag....add additional kids and you've got yourself quite a mix. Give yourself the grace to not be "super" mom right now...just be mom in pjs or slippers or sweats or whatever. More HUGS!
ReplyDeletesonia. thx for your honesty. sorry for your pain. we got home 1/7 with our fifth, second adoption. we have had hard but not your kind of hard. thinking of you. sleep always helps me gain a new focus...
ReplyDeletePraying for you! Sounds like you've gotten some good advice: get out of the house, give yourself grace and time... Anything worth having comes with a price. Our first couple months were brutal. Then it got better. 7 months into it, we've come a long way, but we still have issues we are working through. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Hang in there!! Praying for you, your boys and your family.
ReplyDeletePraying for you! It absolutely does get better. It does! I haven't adopted two at one time, but have experienced the competition after an adoption (one child at 2 1/2 had been home for 18 months when we adopted another 2 year old). Now, they really are great friends. Your boys are going through so much change right now--they are confused and don't know who to trust. I think this is totally to be expected.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! You'll be laughing about it someday and giving other people great advice.
Blessings,
Sarah
Love, hugs and prayers, Sonia! Your beautiful testimony from day one has proclaimed God's goodness and provision every step of the way. He's not going to leave you hanging now. I'm praying hard for you dear friend, but please if I can do anything at all less useful ;) please please let me know!
ReplyDeleteMarisa
I love and I am grateful for your honesty! But, I am sorry that it has been so difficult for you. Lots and lots of prayers for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteDeb
Keep it real. I would have loved 11 years ago for someone to admit to me yeah this is hard BUT the good news is it WILL get better. KEEP PRAYING and keep pressing on. :) Our first 6 months were HARD but then the sun came out! Praying for you. God chose you to parent these sweeties. He will pull you through! :) Hold on my child joy comes in the morning.
ReplyDeleteJoy
awww, my dear friend.....
ReplyDeletehang in there....i know easier said than done.
i have absolutely loved following y'all in china. you have been in my constant thoughts & prayers...will continue to do so.
sorry i haven't commented too much lately...lots going on in my life....nothing bad...just crazy, ya know? ;)
but, i have been 'faithfully' checking in on you.
take care.
you are so brave and i am so proud of you. by putting it out there, we can PRAY. by putting it out there, you/others can RELEASE- the guilt/shame/fear/anger/hurt/desperation/hopelessness/weariness/insertblank that MIGHT come if you keep it inside (or help others that have this) and if it does come we can pray- you have opened your life so others can learn, grow and step out in faith. I am SO PROUD OF YOU AND YOU ARE BRAVE. and LOVED.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the honesty! We adopted two unrelated, didn't even know each other before adoption and their bonding has been nothing short of miraculous but they are 6 years apart.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER.
Two of our sons, one already home and then one just home 7 months, have had a hard time. REALLY HARD. Some days I see the windows with curtains unfurled lighted with sunshine, other days it is very gloomy.
Oh wait. Maybe that is just the weather outside. :) Seriously, it is H.A.R.D. We also are twinning our two youngest, 4 months apart but adopted 22 months apart. And one of them came home in our dual adoption.
Yeah, I think we are equally as crazy as y'all! Except for now we have just 4 sons and 1 daughter! BUT ... I like even numbers! :)))
Take care and do get sleep whenever possible. I didn't get enough as I was worrying too much about the toxic laundry. Let it go. And your friends and that fridge ... amazing!!!