Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thankful thoughts from a friend...


This is a special weekend in the Martin home!  They have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!  Only a year ago, their Thanksgiving table looked completely different than it will look this Thursday.  How could they have known how much life was about to change for each and every one of them?  But with all those changes, they would have the opportunity to discover God to be so much more than they’d ever known Him to be before!  Knowing Him in this way would mean taking incredible risks… not just with their pocket books (don’t you have one of those John?), but with their hearts!  Even after bringing home Jacob and Joey, God continued to stretch their faith in ways they had likely not imagined.  Another child needed a home… no one else seemed willing to take the chance on a little boy who hadn’t been given a chance at life himself.  And though they wondered how much they had left to give, they knew that they could not say “no” the way so many others had before them.  The thought of a precious little boy dying in an orphanage alone was unacceptable!  So they said “YES!”…to the cost of a third adoption in less than 9 months; …to the possibility of incredible loss; …to another little boy around the dinner table;  …to John traveling alone to deliver him home in time; …to weeks inside the four walls of a hospital room; ...to weeks at home alone without Mommy; …to hours and hours on the road to Gainesville for follow up appointments;  …and to a posse’ of folks that pray and then beg for updates when you’re too tired to think, much less write intelligibly!  But most importantly they said “Yes!” to discovering that God had incredible plans for their family of nine and would prove Himself fully sufficient through it all!!!! 

This Thanksgiving, as the nine of them bow their heads around their dinner table, I imagine that they will thank God for giving them the courage they needed to say “Yes!” and for the bountiful blessings that answer has unveiled in all of their hearts!  There will be three little boys around that table that can utter thanks for the gift of family this year for the very first time!  And Joshua… He can’t begin to understand all that God has done in the past year… wrapping him in His love and making the impossible POSSIBLE in his heart!  But for now, we’ll all gladly stand around this table overflowing with miracles and say “Thank you, Lord!” on Joshua’s behalf!  The Martin harvest has been bountiful this year!  For this we join them and give great THANKS!  

Blessings and Happy, Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here in “blog land” to the Martin Family! 

Your friend and “ghost writer”,    Lori


  
One of the incredible “fringe benefits” of the Martin’s “Yes!” was an unexpected friendship along the way with another Mom possibly as crazy as Sonia herself with whom to share the journey.  (That Mom would be ME!)  Only God would have orchestrated such a friendship with someone walking the same road… (only doing it with three China Princesses instead!)  What a gift to have one another to share a meal, to share our struggles, to share our joys, to encourage, and to brighten the journey through the gift of gut-wrenching laughter!!!!   When I bow my head around my family’s table this year, I will be giving thanks to the Lord for the gift of YOU, Sonia Martin!   


Sonia and I have "plans" for these two!  Part of that plan includes joint follow up appointments in Gainesville!  By "joint", we mean TOGETHER! - same time! - same examination room! - side by side EKG's!  You get the idea!  You're not going to believe this, but they actually AGREED to this insane idea last week!  That clinic will never be the same!  It will likely not happen again,... but it sure was fun while it lasted!  :-)  We were having so much fun, we didn't even notice that Dr Fricker had arrived to talk about Joshua and Rachel's hearts!  Oh... THAT's why we are here!  Has he not heard?  "Laughter does the heart good!" 


Friday, November 11, 2011

Hospitals Shhmospitals.

Thank you Lori for updating the masses.....or the 5 people that perhaps still read this blog since I have been so neglectful of it....whicheva the case may be.

We are home.

Ahhhh.

Home.

Home of the brave
and land of the free from IV beeping at unheard hours of the night.

Joshua is doing great.
I know.
I know
I know
I keep saying that.
I think I need a word other than great.
I need a thesauraus.
Standby.

Ok here we go.
Joshua is doing
astonishing
awe-inspiring
stunning
breathtaking
wondorous
formidable....oooo I like that one
"How is Joshua doing?"
"Formidable! Thanks for asking!"

We had quite the day last Tuesday....errr... Monday?.....err Wednesday?.....I dunno.
Time escapes me.
As Lori so eloquently told the story, we almost had two kids in two hospitals two hours apart.
Alrighty then.
It takes a lot to rattle me....but I'll tell ya. That about did it.
But alas, Jordan did not have appendicitis and has since bounced back from whatever it was he did have.


Joshua's infection is ever so slowly beginning to clear up.
Massive amounts of IV antibiotics and a silver patch seem to be working.

I had no idea that silver was an antimicrobial.
But indeed
tis true.
He has a little patch on the outside of the infected area that is taking care of the infection from the exterior whilst the antibiotics work their magic from the inside.
It looked pretty yucky early last week but now is beginning to heal.


Wait.
Did you want to see that?
Is that gross?
My bad.

We are still having a hard time getting skin to grow over his now open wound but that will come at some point.

He's really not feeling well
see

Bahahahahahahaha
ok.
I lie.
He feels amazing!....errr....formidable!

He still continues to fit into our family beautifully.
The jump from 6 to 7 kids hasn't really phased us.
It's an extra plate at the table
It's more hugs to give
It's one more carseat.
But man oh man I can't help but think about had we missed out on the privilege to parent him and get him the medical care he needed...
whew
I shudder to think.

The only real issue we have run into thus far is that he has to pee a few times a night and instead of getting up out of his bed to go he prefers to lay there and fake cry/scream to wake me up to go with him.

I may or may not have taken to bribing him with a piece of candy the following day if he gets up by himself.

Yep.
Parenting at it's finest. 

I.
Am.
An.
Awesome.
Formidable.
Mother.

But I can neither confirm nor deny the aforementioned candy incident(s).

And don't look now.
But I feel my blogging bug coming back.
More updates a comin.

In other news,
you simply must head over here. 
And enter to win yoself a brand new video camera.
The proceeds from this raffle will help 3 people that are pretty special to me and have a huge heart for the orphan.
A new video camera
And helping the orphans of this world.
Win.
Win.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Move over Sonia... I've got this!



Dear fellow "His Hands, His Feet" addicts and posse' members:  
Let me be clear as I begin....
I.
am.
not.
Sonia.
(I know that little typing trick might have thrown you off... but it's true... definitely NOT Sonia, or you would NOT be reading a post on this blog right now!!!  Sorry Sonia... I know the truth must hurt!)


I am, instead, one of you!..  and so beyond discouraged and disgusted by the lack of any notable blogging efforts on Sonia's part... that I have hijacked her login info and decided to do it MYSELF!  People say that my writing skills are better under the influence of Ambien, so Sonya's only request was that I be sure to take a double dose before writing this post.  I agreed, as I will have no remembrance of anything I have written here "under the influence" of Ambien and can not be held personally responsible for any of it! It must be working, because at the moment, I honestly don't remember if I already took tonight's dose or not!  :-)   


So "addicts"... here's your "fix" for the night!  Enjoy!


Apparently, today started out like most other days in the Martin household... I've never been there and I can't really imagine it either, but I'll try...


Plan A: Get hubby and six boys out the door to work and school and then head with child #7 (aka:Joshua) directly to Gainesville for another glorious evening of chair/bed non-sleeping in all-too-familiar hospital to finally get that chest wound that is leaking nastiness taken care of.  


Plan B:  Child #2 (aka:Jordan) decides that today might be a good day to have a suspected appendicitis attack, so that Mom can make a pit-stop at a local hospital for a CT scan and possible appendectomy BEFORE driving to all-too-familiar hospital for child #7 wound care...


Plan C:  Since "flat Sonia" is unavailable today to be in two places at one time... the decision is made that should Child #2 need to be admitted to local hospital, Child #7 would share a room with him and receive drugs for nasty incision there instead!  


Plan D:  After MANY hours of diagnostic treatment, Child #2 is cleared to go home... while Child #7 has a post-open-heart surgery incision that is getting more nasty by the hour and needs immediate attention.  After taking a quick look around local hospital... Sonia decides that it is much more luxurious than the all-too-familiar hospital that was expecting her arrival earlier today!  A phone call or two later... and Child #7 was admitted at that most luxurious, now "undisclosed" location, that is reported to have full-sized couches that pull out into comfy beds, a personal sized television for parent's viewing pleasure, a flat screen TV mounted to the wall for Prince Joshua, a beautiful bathroom complete with a full sized tub and shower, and a bay window overlooking Tampa Bay...  No, it's not the Ritz Carlton... but Sonia's got the whole night there alone with ONE child and her own personal TV screen, while the other six (I mean seven) boys slug it out at home!  Rumor has it that John is already inquiring when she might return home tomorrow...  I'd tell him to not hold his breath...  Sonia might ask Child #7's cardiologist if they can stay a few more nights!!!


Sonya has asked that in lieu of cards and flowers, you send bath salts and scented candles, or simply dial up room service (aka: nurses station) and send up something yummy!


Attached are a few photos to prove that this insanely crazy day DID indeed occur and that though my somewhat witty presentation of the facts might make things sound extremely light-hearted and fun...  Sonia could really use our prayers for a quick return to "normal" at home once again!  :-)


~You're an incredible mom, Sonia and a very brave friend to entrust your blog to me tonight!  Know that you are loved and have so many standing in the gap on your behalf!  


Hugs from your "ghost-writer", 
Lori





Sweet dreams, Joshua!  We pray you'll be home again soon!









Friday, November 4, 2011

Suh-Lacker.

I have a disease.
A computer aversion disease.

Has anyone else ever suffered through this?
Am I alone?
After 3 adoptions in 9 months
hours of compulsive email checking
blog surfing
20 days in the hospital with a laptop as my only source of contact with the outside world
and yet even more email checking
I can't bare it.

I can't bring myself to spend time in front of this.

But you?
I like you.
And you have harassed me enough with text messages, voicemails and FB threats to come beat down my door that I know
I know I owe you an update.

So it is my love and thankfulness of all of you that brings me to my recliner
with a hot cuppa coffee
and this computer to ignore the rest of the unpacking for just a bit to give you an update.

He's great.

No really.

He's SO great.

It's been awhile
like 14 years
since we have grown our family by only one child.

I forgot how easy one is.

I'm not at all pro or anti dual adoptions.
I am Switzerland when it comes to the issue.

But I will say this.
1 is SO much easier than 2.

And even with the relatively smooth transition we had with Jacob and Joey
this is even easier.

He fits right in
He talks up a storm in Mandarin with the boys
He runs
He plays
He goes to Chinese school on Sundays
And as of last week he goes to regular school each day with his brothers
Here's a picture of his first day



Ummmm.
Yeah.
Ok so maybe I don't have it all together quite yet.
I forgot to take a picture.

I'm tellin ya.
Homeslice is amazing.
He's stubborn don't get me wrong....
but he's amazing nonetheless.



7 Boys.
God cracks me up.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Run Over

by a bus.
Errrrrrr
a moving van more accurately.

This my friends,
this is an update a looonnnnnggg time coming.
So
so
incredibly sorry that it has taken me this long.

We came home last Friday,
a week ago today I am just now realizing.

I walked into a base house that we now live in
but that I had never been in before
with stuff that I hadn't seen in 4 months.

New child.
New house.
New recovering child with a new house that needs to be set up.
Oh my.

So how about an update via bullet points?
Giddy up
Here we go.

  • He's doing GREAT. 
  • The first 24 hours home I had one foot out the door with my purse on my shoulder about to take him to the local ER. He didn't look good, he didn't seem to feel good, he could barely move around. I kept packing up and then rethinking it. He would look a bit better, then worse. Then better, then worse. It was indecision at it's finest.
  • I held off and sure enough around day 2 he started to perk up.
  • He's doing GREAT. 
  • He had a hard time sleeping the first four nights. He told our translators over the phone that he needed the nurses and doctors. Oh bless him. That was heartbreaking. The other nights I think the enormity of his new life was catching up with him. Last night he slept all night.....hence the blog post today. :) 
  • Physically he looks incredible. So, so much stronger than I have ever seen him. 
  • He slept all night.
  • He slept all night.
  • He slept all night.
  • He is the sweetest little boy, with the cutest little voice. He has no trace of an accent when he speaks English. It's the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Perfectly formed English words coming out of that mouth. 
  • Jacob's Mandarin abilities have come back in full force. There is now English, Chinese, and Chinglish(Joey) all around our dinner table.
  • His transition home has been nothing short of remarkable. Sans the no sleep it has been amazing. He literally walks around all day smiling from ear to ear. He knows this is love, he knows this is life, he knows he feels better. It has been an incredible thing to witness. He.Is.FREE.
  • I feel like I am living in an episode of hoarders in the upstairs hallway. I've gotten 3 out of the four bedrooms set up, downstairs almost complete and a storage shed under the house that I haven't summoned the courage to open yet. I think the minute I see all the boxes that still await me I may just curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. 
  • He's smart, inquisitive and is very used to having a staff of nannies follow behind him and clean up his mess. We are....ahem.....working on that last part. 
  • In 3 days he will have been in America for one month. The 20 days in the hospital feels like a bit of a time vaccum so I would swear he's only been here a week.
  • I can't spell vaccum. 
  • Vacuum. 
  • Oh look. 
  • I did it. 
  • Thank you spell check.
  • The other boys are completely smitten with him. If you are considering adoption but worried about what it will "do" to your other kids, letmetellya. It will change them. It will change them forever. For the better.  It is by far the best thing we have ever done. We sit across from a table each evening listening to two teenage boys talk to three Chinese boys who 9 months ago were all orphans. Who they now get to love on and play with and talk to. It is remarkable. It has made an eternal difference in their lives and in their perception of this world. HIS world.Hands down adoption has been the best parenting decision we have made.
  • Joshua goes back for his first post op check up on Thursday. But in my own largely uneducated medical opinion, it's all systems go. He's doing amazingly well. 
  • He begs to go to school each day. 
  • We are working on that.
  • His new pulmonary valve sits directly on top of his heart. It beats out of his chest. No really. It beats out of his chest. You can visibly see it and feel it. And the only thing separating that valve with the outside world is his skin. And since he is so malnourished there is no fat, no muscle, no nothin protecting him from certain death should he sustain some impact or injury to his chest.
  • This scares the life out of me. 
  • I am heading to a sporting goods store today to see if I can find an under armor football shirt or something that will at least give him a bit more protection. 
  • My dilemma is this: Keep him in a bubble safe at home by himself, or let him live his life. Let him be. Let him go and do and play just like everyone else. I can't treat him like an orphan his whole life, I can't treat him like a sick child, I can't treat him like he is different. He just wants to be him. He wants to run around with his brothers and for the first time in his almost 8 years on this earth he is able to. This is my predicament.
  • We.
  • Are.
  • In.
  • Love. 
  • I am still amazed at all that has transpired in the last month. He is our miracle. He is our gift. 
  • He.Is.Our.Son. 
  • He slept all night. 

More updates coming soon, I promise.
I will never
ever
ever
ever
be able to adequately express to all of you what your support has meant to me.

You have carried us for the past year.
Truly.
Your encouragement, your financial help in raising the ransoms of 3 kids who now call me mom, Team Joshua, the dinners, the care packages at the hospital, the unending emails and text messages, the unpacking of this house, I'm tellin ya
we stand amazed.

You have poured out such love and blessing on us and never will I be able to tell you just how much that has meant to us and what a difference you have made.
Joshua and his story is such an example of love. poured. out. Of the body of Christ working together.
Thank you for loving us
thank you for loving him
thank you for making a difference.

We are ever
ever
grateful.





Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Lil' Bit Flat.

Funny thing happens when you step out of your normal life for round bout 20 days now.

Life.
Goes.
On.

And I miss it.

I miss the getting the kids up in the morning and handing them a frozen waffle
making a steaming hot, homemade from scratch breakfast every single morning.
Cuz ya know
I totally do that.
Or something like that anyway. 

Taking care of just one child these last few weeks has been
well
weird.
One kid?
I don't know how to do one kid.
Meals delivered to his bedside?
People come in to clean his room
to change his sheets
to care for him?
What. The. Heck.

I am ridiculously excited for real life again.
Even with the incessant cleaning
the cooking
the sibling arguments
the homework
the pee on the bathroom floor
the pee on the bathroom floor
the pee on the bathroom floor
I'm tellin ya.
I miss it.
I miss all of it.

I miss driving them to school.
And going to soccer practice
And baseball games.
And cooking dinner.
And
And
And
And

And I miss my friends.

So imagine my delight when my phone beeped with a text yesterday and it was my sweet friend Julee.

And check out what was staring back at me

Flat Sonia.
Flat me!
Bahahahahah
Cracking.Me.Up.

So now I can once again have coffee with her
well.....kinda.
I drink coffee.....she drinks water.
The nerve.
Somehow I still immensely enjoy her friendship.


I can imagine I am back in real life doing laundry


doing dishes


I'm tellin ya.
The fun. 
The fun I miss.

In other news, 
Our big little man has made quite the turnaround in the last 24 hours ever since that last chest tube came out. 

The doctors just finished rounds and words like
"Home"
and 
"Possibly as early as Friday"
have begun to come out of their mouth. 
Oh happy 
HAPPY
day.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Chest Tube Removal Joshua Style

Well.
Didn't see that coming.

Joshua is on the 'roids now and has been for about 24 hours.
His adrenal glands are the latest organ to take the reprofusion hit.
Let's just say that the steroids have made him the slightest bit....
ahem....
cranky.

Ok.
A lot cranky.

So when yesterday evening round about 9pm rolled around and the respitory therapist came in to strap him into his vibrating vest to shake that junk out of his lungs
he began to cry when she turned it on.

It was at this point that I thought two things:

1. Ugh. Now he is crying over the vest. Seriously.
2. That's weird. He typically loves the vest.

Me being the horrific mother that I am sat at the end of his bed,
patted his leg and reassured him through his tears that it was ok
he was ok.
It's really just the vest.
It was at about minute 12 that I really took notice that the vest was vibrating much harder than before.
And it was at minute 13 of a 30 minute treatment that I got up to look at the setting and found it to be at 60%....which is the highest setting
instead of 40%
where it has been the last 3 days.
Hmmm...
curious.

I turned it down to 40%
because I have absolutely no medical training nor authority to do so
but I'm his mom
so I felt qualified.
Thus I did.

But still he cried.
And moaned.
And whined.

Finally 30 minutes was up.
We unsnap the top part of the vest and immediately I noticed that there were imprints on his chest from the vest. It was obviously on way too tight. Whoops. That had to have been uncomfortable for someone whose sternum was cut in two a week ago.
Then we unsnap the next buckle and I notice the guaze and tape that covers his chest tube is soaked in blood.
Then we unsnap the last buckle and I see the top part of his chest tube that has previously been filled with draining blood and fluid
is now clear.
Crystal clear.
And then I heard it.
AIR.

It was at that point it became very obvious very quickly that his chest tube had been partially removed by the vest and excessive vibration.
He was not being grumpy
homeboy was in pain
incredible pain.
I suck.

Ugh.

2 hours
3 xrays
one mega plastic seal to stop the air intake
and 4 decisions later
they pulled it.

Good?
Maybe.
Bad?
Maybe.

All of the fluid that was still draining has to go somewhere.
According to this mornings xray it is beginning to collect in his lungs.
Argh.
So they are watching him closely today to see how quickly the fluid accumulates compared to how quickly he is able to rid himself of it.

It's a dance for sure.
1 step forward
5 steps back
swing your partner round and round.

Day 17.
Can't wait to get off this dance floor.



Monday, October 10, 2011

The Plan

Slowly more
and more
and more
and even more
tubes and wires are disappearing.
Ahhhhhh
so nice.

It's day 16 here in PICU paradise.

He is doing so
so much better.

There are some issues they are still working on.
His lungs are still angry
he is still dumping way too much fluid out of his chest tube
and some of his levels
sodium
potassium
cortizol
blood pressure
are off.
Way off.

By far at this point the most pressing issue is that his one remaining chest tube continues to dump out fluid.
That's not good.
At 6 days post-op it should already be out...
long ago.

Today during rounds the talk became that if that drainage(the source of which is the fluid around his heart)
does not being to taper off
they may need to do another heart cath
to take a look see and make sure there aren't any remaining collaterals that are still trying to live on
which would explain the bleeding/fluid output.

Ugh.

Another cath means another intubation
another day of anesthesia
another day of puke from the anesthesia.
Just when we have gotten him to eat and drink
and keep it down
we may have another 24 hours of yuck.
Boo.

No decision has been made yet
they are going to give him another day to see what happens
but it is becoming more and more apparent that something is going on.


In better news,
with each xray his lungs look better


are they not the cutest little lungs you ever did see?
No?
Ok.
Let me show you the outside picture of those little lungs:



There.
Now you can see the cuteness.

This is day two of sitting in a chair.
He is ridiculously excited about this
as you can plainly see.

Ok.
Maybe not.

We had quite the drama yesterday morning when after morning rounds the doctors moved on down the hall when he suddlenly started going down.....fast.

His oxygen levels which had
10 seconds ago
been at 94
began dropping
quickly
85
78
74
72
69
Yeah.
Not good.
The alarms were once again ringing and his itty bitty room was full of people again.
His surgeon
His cardiologist
every resident and nurse on the floor.
Down
and down
and down
After an intense few minutes someone finally figured out that the respitory therapist that had just been in had accidentally turned the oxygen valve in the wrong direction....
she turned it off instead of increasing it as they asked her to.
Alrighty then.
So now we know that he is not yet able to maintain adequate levels without the use of oxygen.
I'm not sure that's the way we wanted to find out.
But we know.

It does strike me as incredibly ironic however
Pre-surgery we would have been jumping for joy to have levels of 69!
But now that all is fixed/patched/rewired he should be able to....
or will be able to
maintain more "normal" levels in the mid 90's.
But right now his lungs are just not cooperating fully.

So that's the what's what.
Better.
MUCH better.
If I was betting lady I'd say home Friday?! Saturday?

But if they have do another cath and shut down some collaterals then all bets are off.
Boo to the hoo.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Big, BIG News.

We slept ALL night.

Just thought I'd share with you how I feel about that.

Gracious.
I feel like a million bucks.

To celebrate 
we are starting our day sitting up in a chair!
Woot!



So from us well rested individuals to you,
hope your day is fantastic!


Saturday, October 8, 2011

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch.

Stomach bugs have invaded
and seem to be picking off our children
one
by
one.

Jack.
Puke.
Justin
Puke.
Jacob
Almost puke.

And did I mention we move into our base house on Thursday?
No?
Oh.
We move into our base house on Thursday.


Admist all the chaos this just happens to be the time that a home for us has opened up.
Good times.
Good times.
Regardless
I am so, soooo thankful.

But
you must know
John is manning the unpacking and setting up of the house since I am here
and he is there.

People.
This could be bad.
Very
very
bad.
There isn't going to be one ruffle
or one piece of lace
or any flower all up in there.
It's going to like living in a frat house.

I can see it now....
Sports pennants hanging up in the living room
Giant pretzel tubs serving as end tables
Fooseball table in the kitchen
Video games wired into the bathroom
Oh.
My.

Guess I'll put that on my list of things to sort out once we are home.

I think at some point I will just fall into bed and sleep for 2 solid weeks
Not now of course
but I will add it to my calendar.
Nap October, 2019.
Got it.

Friday, October 7, 2011

A Lil' Bit of PINK has arrived up in here

Seriously.
I CANNOT get over how great he looks.

When he came up from surgery on Monday I gushed over his pink fingernails
his pink toenails
even his now pink ears.

But what I couldn't really see
was
his
face.

So many tubes
wires
tape
monitors
stickers

I'm tellin ya
homeslice was covered. 

But now.
OH
but
now.

I have caught my first glimpse of the real Joshua.

Bestill
my
heart.

The difference is incredible.
I heart pink.

This is day 13 in the hospital.
The first few days were filled with the questions of
Can they save him?
Then heart cath day rolled around and we rejoiced.
Then we waited until surgery day.
Then the last 5 days have been consumed with getting him over all of the reprofusion injuries
but today
ahhhhhhh
today.
Today is a great day.

After 13 days I finally feel like I can take a deep breath.
He's here.
He's alive.
Surgery complete.
His heart is good to go for the next few years
We appear to be over the hump

So today,
today is a good day.

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. 

Extubating Today!

Wooooo-Hooooooo!!
5 days post surgery and he is finally stable enough to extubate.
Oh.
My.
Gracious.

I feel like I could do cartwheels down the hallway.
Actually.
Hold on.
I think I will.

Standby......

Ok,
I'm back.
I did half a cartwheel
realized I'm not 10 years old anymore
and me and my graying hair decided not to attempt another.

I'm.
So.
Lame.

Anyhoo,
I am super excited.
He is going to be so much happier.
Beginning yesterday his little countenance just kinda went down.
You can see it in his eyes as tears pour silently down.
He is giving up.
He has resigned himself to the fact that this is his new life.
Forever lying here with a tube down his throat
gagging
choking
breathing through that straw.

Heartbreaking.

I'll share some pictures later today after it's out.
I don't want to post any of him in his current state as I'm not sure he'd appreciate that 10 years from  now.
But alas, there will be a cute little mostly tube free face coming to a blog near you soon.

It's.
A.
Good.
Day.