Thursday, April 21, 2011

Boys: 6. Stitch Count so far: 2,472

This is Jordan.

Jordan plays baseball.
Jordan is a lefty.
This makes baseball coaches very

Jordan pitches.
Jordan plays 1st base.
Not at the same time.
That'd be weird.
or amazing.
I'm not sure which.

Jordan had baseball practice last night whereupon catching a fly ball he failed to see the L screen.
An L screen is that thingybobber that coaches hide behind whilst throwing balls at teenage boys in practice.

This is an L screen.

Please do note that this particular one was constructed out of chain link fence material.

In case you were curious, when one's face runs into the L screen and one's cheek gets punctured by and then subsequently torn by said chain link the result is going to be
it's gonna be ugly.
In fact.
It'll look somethin like this

At this point I'm just thankful that it didn't rip most of his cheek off.

John helps coach Jason and Jordan's team and had just left practice early to come home and take care of the little kids.
It was my bunko night you see.
Priorities people.

Shortly after John walks in the door, which was about 2 minutes after I had applied a shiny new coat of lip gloss as I bounded down the stairs excited about seeing my bunko peeps


The side of the conversation I heard went something like this.
"Hey Brian."
"Oh really."
"Oh. ok."
"I guess I'll come pick him up then."
"Alright. Thanks. Bye."

And as I was putting my flip flops between my freshly painted toe nails I slowly watched my bunko plans sadly fade away.

Now let me just hit pause for a minute here and jump in to tell you this:
We have 6 boys.
It's all about as regular as breathing in and out around here.

So my response to this news was simply and calmly this
bring him home, let me see if he really does need stitches.
because I am completely unqualified in expert medical care  I have an advanced degree in mom medicine.

So John goes back to practice, finds our son laying in the grass, bleeding profusely from the face whilst simultaneously cracking jokes with his teammates who are all hovering around him
and brings him home.

They walk in and, oh yeah, despite it being bunko night AND season finale of Parenthood night....
we definitely need stitches.

~sigh~ I knew girls would've been easier. Don't they like play tea and barbies and stuff?

At this point I feel compelled to share with you that we didn't dash out the door at mach 2 to rush the poor ~ no longer bleeding child to the nearest care center.
He is 13.
He was hungry.
As was my coach of a husband.
They started getting out plates and helping themselves to the dinner that was on the table.
So there I stood.
All dressed up and no place to go.
Watching 7 men devour their dinner.
And ladies....well, there was my bunko posse and yummy bunko food across the street at bunko house and all.....
and they....
ya know.....
talk about girl stuff, and they smell good, and they don't burp loudly at the table....
so you can understand that I did what any mother in my position would do....
Whilst the men were back at home with forkfuls of dinner in their mouths I schlepped across the street,
and chatted it up and snacked with my bunko posse

and then
20 minutes later
took him in for stitches.
Don't judge me.
I was hungry.
And I had freshly painted toenails.

So there we sat in urgent care awaiting our turn.
He with his CheezeIt's he brought along for the ride
and I with my flip flops and fresh lip gloss with no where to go.

8 stitches later and we were back home.
And that my friends, is how we roll around here.
and thank goodness they stream those episodes of Parenthood online. Whew.


  1. HA! I love this - brings back memories of my brothers growing up. My mom finally said - enough! I think my brothers were breaking/jamming/spraining a finger every week and she had waited in an emergency room way too many hours only to watch them tape a stick to the finger and send us on our way. So she just got a box of popsicle sticks and some first aid tape and ditched the emergency room trips! There had to be visible bloodshed to qualify for a trip to the emergency med center!

  2. OMW that was too funny!!!!!! i love the part where he and your hubby ate while he has a whole in his cheek. (eewww!)
    oh sonia-- this is one for the funny wall of fame!!!

  3. Thank you, God, for Hulu. ;) That was a great post. Definitely gross to imagine eating with him sitting there, but otherwise completely reasonable! :) I'm glad you got to chat and snack for a few minutes before taking him. Sorry you missed Bunko night. :( Hugs!

  4. Barbies and tea cups don't stop them from hurting themselves! I have been known to use bandaides to make steri strip closures on small wounds....less expensive than ER!

  5. My son fell getting off the bus at school and broke his hand. He has a bone condition and has broken bones many times so he KNEW he was broken but didn't say anything and went to eat breakfast. After eating he went to the nurse. They called me at work to tell me he was broken and I needed to come and get him. I asked why he didn't tell anyone and he said Mom I knew it was broke and I had to go to the dr. and sit forever and I was hungry! I wanted to eat before I went. Tough kid! :)

  6. thx for the morning laugh. this would have read well with coffee but i have a baby sleeping on me...or should i say sick baby crying on and off all night on me. a cheery smile on my face after a long night thanks to you.

  7. Love it Sonia! You did the right thing, girl. We all understand. Totally.

    I have had fun catching up on your last few blog posts...amazing about the boys not realizing they were yours FOREVER!! Wow. So glad they now know. Kinda' like being assured of eternal salvation--it doesn't depend on us. I bet they are just giddy with their new understanding. How cool that you found some folks fluent in Mandarin to chat with them.

    OK, so let me know when you're headed this way. We need to meet in person before we PCS away from Florida!! Hope your move goes smoothly.

  8. You CRACK me UP!!!
    Glad he's alright.
    Glad you got to snack with the bunko posse.

  9. I like how you roll, Sonia! Way to get your mileage out of the freshly painted toes! And for the record, our "top" stitch count holder around here (a three boy household) is held by a girl! Yep, my Teddi.

    Love from Texas,


  10. Love it!! That's the only way a "boy mom" can survive!! I do find that boys moms have a much different (perhaps warped) sense of humor!! Sorry you missed your bunko...but it made a great story!!! :)

  11. Oh my goodness Sonia! This made me laugh so hard! I have 4 boys 2-14 and while (knock on wood) we've only had stitches once so far I can totally relate. Why should a little blood stand between a boy and food??? LOL! My 2 yo is our little daredevil...good thing he's our 4th or hubby and I would have probably both had heart attacks by now...we see frequent ER visits in our future w/ him.

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