Saturday, April 30, 2011

His Past. His Healing.

This is the flower by my front door.

Pathetic I know.

But it is an interesting flower nonetheless.
Stick with me here....I'm going somewhere with this...
I promise.
This is not a horticulture lesson by any stretch.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.

We have lived in this house for nearly two years.
I haven't ever planted
nor watered
a thing.

And what amazes me is that each spring this one flower,
among the death and ruin of the remaining flowers of yesteryear
continues to bloom.
It blooms despite it's circumstances.
Never watered.
Never fertilized.
Never paid any attention to sans a stray nerf bullet that sometimes sails it direction.

That flower,
I love. 
That flower that I walk by everyday when I enter our home


so much of

Nobody loved.
Nobody cared.
Some were just downright mean and awful.


Today I was playing with Jacob and tickling him and that contagious laugh of his was bursting out of him.
I did what I have done a hundred times before with our other kids.
I started gently tapping his mouth as he was laughing which
as all mothers know
makes their voice sound really funny and typically makes them laugh even more.

But today
in that moment
his past
once again
caught up with him.
And he

That scared traumatized look came right back into his eyes.
The hollowness.
The emptiness.
I had apparently found yet another trigger.
That look that, in the beginning days and weeks of being home, would last for hours
came back. 

But this time
it left rather quickly.
"Please don't do that mama. XXXX in China hit mouth hard. He really mean."

Oh sweet boy.

I hugged him, he smiled, and we went right back to playing legos.

And he heals a little bit more.
And he blooms a little bit more.
And I get really angry inside and want to get on a plane and have a little what's what with that man. 
And I pray.

And not only is he blooming,
but he is choosing. 
Choosing to love.

Captive no more.
Orphan no more.
But free.

The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free. Luke 4:18


  1. Gracious. Made me cry to think that people can be so mean to such a sweet precious boy. Thank you, Jesus, for finding such a wonderful family for Jacob! He deserves SO MUCH LOVE!!!

  2. What a beautiful illustration! I am in the process of adopting a ten year old little girl and this gives me such encouragement and hope for our future.

  3. Thanks for making me cry :-( So thankful the Lord is healing him through your family and your love! Beautiful!

  4. I couldn't agree more that they bloom when we least expect they can. Today is my birthday and leading up to any birthday my 6 yr old goes back to the trauma and he stays there...we'll see a glimmer of his sunshine through the fog of the trauma as we steer out of birthday season...

    They always amaze me with their ability to heal! Keep at it mama, your doing an amazing job!

  5. So glad Jacob was able to verbalize to you his hurt in the past! Can't begin to fathom what some of these little guys and gals go through before they are adopted by wonderful folks like you. Keep up the good work with these 2 little guys and your other 4! Love your blog!
    In Christian Love,
    Grandma to 5 (2 from China)

  6. The look, the fear, the memories came back BUT they didn't stay lon g- each time it get shorter and shorter!
    What a blessing to be part of the healing!
    Praise God!

    Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

  7. The oppressed will be set free, indeed!

    Thank you Lord that Jacob is being set free! Thank you for his mama-- whose love is healing balm to his soul. Thank you for Your love everlasting, for Jacob, for Joey and for every child who waits . . . to be free. Hold them closely Lord.

    Love you girlie, and love the way you share your heart, and His.


  8. Oh Sonia!!!!! My heart just breaks everytime I think about what these kids deal with every single day! My heart also rejoices when I know that there are many who WILL be loved, who WILL be healed, who WILL know the love of our Father, as your precious, precious boys will!!! I know that "look" well and while we don't see it very often anymore, it still surfaces every now and then and Lizzie retreats a bit to that place that I will never truly know. As you said, it doesn't last long now, but is still there and that hurts my heart but I know that she WILL be loved and WILL heal and WILL know the love of our Father. I pray that more and more families will hear His call and answer so more and more of His children WILL come home! Bless you Sonia!!!!!

  9. Sonia,
    Great analogy! Could I ask if we could (once again) repost this on WAGI? (Yes, I stalk your blog. :))
    co-administrator of WAGI