Monday, April 18, 2011

Confusion is Reining in Our Home.....


I finally got my act together enough last week to invite some new friends of friends of friends over to our house for dinner last weekend.

Friends that have lived in China for 13 years
that are here for a year on sabbatical
and are
of course
in Mandarin.

It was such a great evening!
I made tacos
because really,
what's more Chinese than ~ ahem ~ tacos.
And once the boys got over their initial shock of perfect mandarin flowing out of the mouth of a very white American man they opened up
big time.

Had I even known how downright confused and lost my precious boys were I would have had them over the day after we returned home.
Jet lag and all.

We found out so much that night.
Some good.
Some not so good.
Some downright awful.
Things that, as their mother, I am still processing.

For starters Jacob and Joey had no stinkin idea that they were here to stay.
The fact that for nearly 3 months they have woken up day after day after day after day and wondered if today is the day that
is nearly too much to bare.

You could have sucked the life right out of me when those words came out of their mouth and
I'm pretty sure a piece of my heart shattered at that moment.
Sweet, sweet boys.

They are going to be your parents and love you and take care of you forever they were told.
"Impossible." Jacob answered.

Oh my heart.

He wanted to know if we were "happy with them".
As if we were still trying them on for size and about to activate some kind of return policy.

Sweet boy.
Sweet innocent boy.
If only you knew the depth of the love that we have for you.

At one point he began to catch a glimpse of that secure future and somewhat understand; and the look on his face when it dawned on him that he really does get to stay was a moment I shall not soon forget.

We had some funny moments mixed in with some things that were very hard to hear.
Funny things like, when they were told about our upcoming move, they said that we had too much stuff and there was no way it was going to fit in our new house. 
Would the toys come with us? 
The swimming pool?
The clothes?
The couch?
The window blinds?


When we found out that Joey has been having nightmares we told him that he could come into our room and wake us up, or call for us and we would come comfort him.
He liked that idea.
And for curiosity's sake I asked our friend to ask him what he did in China when he had nightmares.
Joey's response was that one time he got up to go tell his foster parents but one of the other boys told him not to go in there because

Older child adoption......never a dull moment.....or an awkward one for that matter....

So the apparent confusion and silent chaos that they were living is ever so slowly being replaced by truth. 
.....and from that....there's no going back.

 "For God is not a God of confusion but of peace....."1 Corinthians 14:33


  1. Okay that photo put the biggest smile on my face!!! Okay, the baby making story probably started the smile!!!

    Thanks for the guaranteed smile!

  2. What a blessing to have someone translate for you and for the boys. And to think our kids may still doubt that they are here to stay...that breaks my heart.

  3. Wow, what a blessing to be able to get a glimpse into what is going on in their little heads. Heartbreaking that they still don't know that they are home forever. Hopefully, that truth will start to sink in now.


  4. Tears. Precious little walking on eggshells baby boys. Not knowing. Ugh. Oh Sonia, thank goodness for translation and for love and "FOREVER" made clear. Let it soak in Lord, let it seep into every pore of their tiny beings. Let truth and trust reign in Jacob and Joey's lives, and let fear be gone. For good. "Forever" IS possible sweet Jacob! Oh yes it is!

    This makes me wonder how much I have taken for granted with my own sweet girl, and just how much "wondering if it's forever" still goes though her little head. Eeeesh.

    Love will win, Sonia.
    Love will win!

    Hugs from Texas,


  5. wow-- that had to be a hard gift to open. the fact that they didn't know this was forever-- 3 months later broke my heart. it really makes me wonder what little ones think

  6. Mourning turns to joy and dancing through our Lord. How your heart must ache for your boys.

  7. Oh, Sonia! I just can't imagine sitting through that. What a blessing to know and be able to explain to them that they aren't temporary guests in your home but your sons!! (loved your comment..we are kindred spirits, sister!!)

  8. Wow, those sweet, sweet boys. What a gift to know what is in their hearts and an even bigger gift to add another layer of the truth!

  9. Oh my heart! I am so glad you posted about this. I am definitley going to make sure we have some Manderin speaking friends come over frequently when we get our little girl this summer. What a happy moment to see him realize that he was a part of the family forever!!!
    I keep the postcard of your boye up on my fridge...they are my "insta-smile"...I have tested the theory - it is impossible to look at them and not smile!

  10. That's it....I'm getting you guys an app that translates English to Mandarin and vice versa!! That is SO touching....You and John are so very blessed. Can your friends come over about once a week??

  11. Sonia, how priceless to get a glimpse into their thinking! I think this post could be an encouragement to other AP's. Would you be willing to let us repost it on WAGI? ( It is a Christian adoption website/forum. IF you are up for it, we'd just need a brief bio and picture of you to use when it was reposted. Feel free to contact me with any questions!
    co-administrator of WAGI

  12. Oh my heart. Sweet, sweet boys. All they've been through. Praise God, they're with such a loving wonderful FOREVER family. :)

  13. I'm speechless!! What a blessing to have that insight into what's going on in those lil' heads.

  14. Wow- good thing you that they now understand. Makes me wonder what my two newbies are thinking?

    Love the pic- they are just too cute!!

  15. Oh wow...that just tore my heart out. I am so glad that they can feel secure in their new family now. Amazing.

  16. Oh my heart, those sweet precious little boys! The Lord hold them and keep them in His loving arms! I pray that the Lord God fills your mommy heart right up until overflowing as you continue to give so much of yourself to all your boys!

  17. Oh,SONIA!
    I seriously have tears for them! How heartbreaking! That makes me wonder what Isabella has thought all this time!
    How wonderful that they now know that this is their life.
    Gosh. I am still trying to take it all in.

    Much love to you all!

    ps. LOVE that photo!!!!!

  18. Hi, Sonia! Elizabeth Welch sent me your way! She+Stewart are our dear friends from McGuire! We're adopting siblings from Ethiopia, and she's been telling me about your blog! So excited to follow your journey of attachment and bonding now! WHAT A BLESSING to be able to have a translator initiate that process! I'm totally taking notes! :)

  19. Oh my. Heart breaking a little with you here. Those poor sweet babies. What a blessing that you finally invited those folks over for taco night.
    Keep lovin' on those little ones!

  20. Oh Sonia!!! My heart breaks for them and all the precious children in this world who don't think they will ever be taken care of! I am SO glad your friends were there. I am certain their hearts were breaking too as they realized what those 2 beautiful boys were thinking and feeling! SO glad they now know that you will always love them and take care of them!

  21. Love to see how God continues to be in all the details of your journey with your boys. So thankful for your friends and the new insight into your sweet boys minds and hearts. God is good!

  22. I just saw this post over on WAGI. What a sad, inspiring and hilarious story.

    We are preparing to bring home our youngest son's 5 y/o birth brother from Ethiopia, and I already have Ethiopian friends who speak Amharic on speed dial. You just added to my list of things to be sure to communicate :)