Sunday, April 3, 2011

Cracking the Orphanage Code of Conduct.

I'm not sure what part of me thinks that I can undo 7 years of institutionalized living in the 2 months we've been home
but yet

And there is  a lot to be said for hope.

There are so many "issues" that will accompany your newly adopted kiddo when they are placed in your arms in that civil affairs office.
They will indeed come to you with the cute outfit that you sent them.
They will come to you with the Build a Bear dog with your voice that you sent.
They will come to you with the book and the new toy that you sent them.
They may even come with a smile.
But if you look closely they will also carry with them years of living in an institution and in their back pockets will be the rules and tools that they used to survive when you weren't there.

And orphanage rules and tools don't so much mesh with a "normal" family structure.

Survival of the fittest? Nope.
Take care of just yourself? Nope.
Watch your back at all times? Nope.
Show no weakness? Nope.
Hide and hoard? Nope.
Love? YEP.

And let me tell ya, sometimes it's true.....
love can conquer all.
I've got a front row seat to the hottest show in town and I get the honor and privilege of watching this healing, this transformation, play out right here in my living room, across my dining room table, in my backyard, at my kitchen counter, and in the nighttime hugs and kisses
day after
day after
day after day.

I would read countless blogs while we were waiting for the boys and as I watched family after family come home they all began to say the same thing.
"It feels like he/she/they've always been here!"

And let me just jump on the keepin it real band wagon for just a moment to tell ya,
I wasn't so sure that feeling was going to come anytime soon at certain points in the last 8 weeks.
In the middle of the crying.
In the middle of the attitude.
In the middle of trying to adjust to having 6 boys
the phrase,
"It feels like they've always been here"
was not anywhere near about to come out of my mouth.

Here we are.
8 weeks home.
I am sitting in the middle of the living room, surrounded by Lego's, watching Jacob put together the coolest lego car you have evah seen and I can only say one thing....
It feels like they've always been here. 


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Oh, how I love them.

    BTW, does your new house have a guest room that sleeps 8? Just sayin'...

  3. YEA!!!!!!!!!!
    And it only keeps getting better!

  4. Beautiful post, and you are surrounded by many handsome men...lucky lady!!

    I'm sure you've had many challenging days but the good Lord sees your efforts and how you've blessed these boys with a mother's love.

  5. It is such a process- of hope, healing and prayers. At the same time it's like watching a miracle happen right before your very eyes! It doesn't happen in an instant BUT once it does, it is amazing!!

    Love the blessed PROCESS!!
    Keep sharing- you are so honest- I love it! And by the way the party is over at our house too! ;-)

  6. Hey Sonia--I would say to be able to say that at 8 weeks is pretty stinkin' good! I think it took us quite a bit longer than that to feel that way. LIlly was much younger than your boys when we brought her home, but that tough outer shell + the lack of quality sleep made for some long months initially... Keep up the great work, Mama! Your attitude (and your writing) are inspiring!

  7. What a privilege that you would allow us a front row seat as Love cracks the code!
    Rejoicing from Hong Kong,

  8. That is amazing. I am so glad you have gotten there. It seems like you are an over achiever to me. My other friends who have adopted went through some very tough phases that lasted a lot longer than eight weeks before the magic moment arrived. I keep praying for you to be blessed every day by this amazing thing you have done.
    Love you, Lisa

  9. The transformation is nothing short of amazing! It took me a while to get to that point also, you are right...front row to the miracles of heaven!!

  10. They *were* always there! Right in your heart and you never even knew them yet they were there! God bless you!