How I Managed to Fail at Adoption 101.

{a caveat to this post}

Adoption 101:
"Make sure your child knows that he is here to stay forever."

How I screwed that up
well
the answer is

I.
don't.
know.

I don't know.

I don't really know what I would have done differently.
They were happy.
They had settled in.
They showed no behaviors expressing insecurity.

There were no signs.
There were no signals.
There was no packing of the backpacks and standing by the door.
They
were
fine.

So the knowledge that they had been feeling that way
well
it kinda made my head spin
and made my jaw drop
and my heart crumble.

So here I sit.
Reflecting on that conversation
and wondering
what
could
I
have
done?

I got nuthin.
Nope.
Nuthin.

I guess we could have had some Mandarin speakers over sooner
but would that honestly have made a difference had we done that right away?
Would they have really grasped any concept of a family or permanency at that point?
Or would they still be reeling from having their world turned upside down
and the news that they were here to stay may not have even been all that welcoming at that point
......if we are being honest. 
Which we are.

Part of me thinks it took us showing them our love, our stability, our permanency over the last nearly 3 months.
Kinda like we aim to teach our kids not to just talk the talk
but to
walk
the
walk.

We were walking the walk.
We were loving them.
We were serving them.
We were caring for them,.
We were laughing and crying with them.

We.
Showed.
Them.

We showed them what a family was like.
Prior to that,
prior to us,
let me tell ya
they had no idea what that looked like.

So if indeed someone had shown up at our doorstep those first few days and said,
"Hey guess what?! You are here to stay! Yippee! Congrats!"
would they really have truly received that?
Really?

I don't know.
Part of me is starting to think this timing was impeccable.
We showed them,
then we told them.

And though that certainly wasn't a conscious decision,
I'm kinda thinkin that it worked for us.

So instead of sitting here feeling empty-handed, inept and incapable of expressing everything to them
I will instead, let Him fill in those gaps and equip us with everything we need
exactly at the moment we need it.
Cuz that's life.
that's love.
that
is
adoption.

That is family.

PS This concludes the series Deep Thoughts by Sonia. 
Come on back tomorrow for a post of levity involving baseball, blood, 8 stitches and a chain link fence. 
Ya know. 
If you like that kinda thing.