easily
I am not.
I came across this post awhile ago and it so spoke to me
cuz it's exactly how I feel.
We do get a lot of questions
we do get a lot of second glances
we do get into a lot of conversations
but honestly?
It doesn't bother me.
At.All.
Granted,
this could be because we've only been home about 5 months
it could be because I love that our family might just have small itsy bitsy teeny weeny part in planting some adoption seeds in other families
it could be because I live with a bunch of boys who aren't really chatty thus when given the opportunity to chit chat about darn near anything with darn near anyone I will.
it could be that Joey and Jacob's English skills aren't yet at the point that they understand the conversation that is taking place in front of them.
It could be a lot of things.
But for now, and hopefully forever,
what it isn't
is offensive.
Howevah
I did want to share that I received my very first "interesting question" this morning.
I was talking to a lady who works at the hotel.
She is sweet.
She fusses over the boys
She brings Jacob extra eggs every meal and cherry tomatoes
cuz she picked up on how much he loves them.
But then she said
it.
Her: "How many kids do you have?"
Me: "We have 6 boys and will soon head back to China to adopt our 7th son."
Her: "Do you have any of your own children?"
Did you catch that?
Do I have any of my own children?
Well.
Ummmm.
Yeah.
They are all my children.
And I know what she meant.
And I know she didn't mean what I could have chosen to read into her comment at that moment.
Offended?
Nope.
Use it as an adoption education moment?
Yep.
So I very nicely said that well, they were all my children and that we did have four biological sons before we were blessed by adoption blah-bibity-blah-blah.
Or I said something like that anyway.
In truth I was at the coffee station while this conversation was taking place.
It was early.
My hair nor teeth had seen nary a brush.
And my veins were screaming for their daily infusion of caffeine.
But truly, regardless of my current caffeine levels
We do have a story to share.
We all do.
No matter your life
you.have.a.story.
One of my favorite shows is Sunday Morning on CBS.....granted.....it does make me feel about 65 years old....which I believe is their target audience....but nonetheless.....I like it.
I like it on the DVR anyway. It sadly comes on at the same time as church. Boo.
Saturday Morning on CBS would be so much more convenient for me.
And really, it's all about me.
Insert tongue firmly in cheek.
They used to have a segment called something like
"What's your story."
The correspondent would throw a dart at a US map and travel to that town whereupon he would randomly flip open the phone book and point to a name.
Then he would go find that person
and more importantly
find their story.
I love this.
We all have a story.
It's what you do with it that matters.
How much more valuable to shine a light on it, Christ's light on it, than to hide it.
Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. Matthew 5:15
So if I can use our journey to point people toward the glory of God
how valuable is that?
How much more valuable than to be easily offended by mostly innocent, though sometimes, mis-spoken questioning.
I don't suppose I have a point to this little story of mine
other than to say
ask me anything.
I won't be bothered.
Just let me have my first cuppa coffee first.
Otherwise I am liable to shout something at you that sounds a lot like,
"For the love of all that is good I BEG OF YOU TO GET OUT OF THE WAY OF MY FRENCH VANILLA COFFEE CREAMER."
Only I will say it with a smile on my face.
It's how I roll.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
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Thank you for this timely post.
ReplyDeleteCause you are right. Recently was introduced by someone who said, "This is Kim. She has 3 real kids and 2 that are adopted. Can you beleive? She is the mother of 5 kids."
I had already had my coffee.
And I was offeneded.
I was so releived none of my REAL five kids were presnt to overhear the comments I perseived as rude and insensitive. Thanks for the reminder to be more graceful and shine light. At. All. Times.
And to laugh more.
I have been asked some of everything since our first adoption in 1998. This week my youngest was at a camp at the local high school and several teachers who know her older sister (also from China) asked her if they were REAL sisters. I have been asked that many times but she hadn't, she thought it was so weird. Her daddy said did you tell them you are now. :) People can be so rude just being ignorant. Ask an adult what you want out of a child's earshot but leave the kiddos alone please people.
ReplyDeleteWe get weird looks (no comments, yet) when we talk about the adoption of our little one...hopefully we'll see that angelic face soon...but people around here aren't as "exposed" to adoption, specifically international adoption. Every.time. we get a strange look we just tell our story and pray that the Lord uses it to bring glory to Him. :) But I'm with ya, it does help to have that morning cup. :) Vanilla caramel creamer, please! :)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, totally, 100% agree with ya. About making the most of EVERY opportunity. And, of course, about the coffee.
ReplyDeleteI am somewhere in bw not offended/take it as an opportunity to testify of God's goodness and "I can't believe the level of rudeness these days!"
ReplyDeleteWe have been getting strange looks and rude comments since we had our third child. Now that we have adopted, people want to know how many of our others were adopted or how many are "really yours." Hmmmm. . . . .
People seem to think I'm either a saint. . .or crazy.
But. . .the Lord is in the sanctifying business, and I am trying to use each moment as a chance to praise Him and His faithfulness, shine a light on adoption, and dispell the myth that more children than 2 is a curse. :)
We've had that question numerous times...we were at the hospital last year with our newborn (bio) because she was ill and having a procedure done and the "greeter" strikes up a conversation regarding how many children we have. Upon hearing we have four she literally goes off on me accusing me of having a large family so I can get my own t.v. show and have everything paid for.
ReplyDeleteHackles came up but I quietly told her that two of our children were adopted and then she brought out the "saint" comment...having a large family by adoption is noble and up there with sainthood.
I was more frustrated with the fact that we were at the hospital with an ill newborn for tests and didn't need the added stress of assumptions by a stranger than I was about her assertion that we were simply sucking the marrow of kindness out of the unsuspecting!
Sooo....what do you say to that situation? You just roll with it I suppose!
I don't like the attention - on my self, but on my children, YES! I love the opportunity to say, "Hey this is keeping us busy, out of trouble, and it's what we're commanded to do!" We've had many comments about the sibling group we adopted and adopting at 'this stage of our life.' Many helpful people are looking forward to slowing down when their kiddos get to college - we tried that - made us old. Now we're staying young and have realized that love has no boundaries! We're ALL brothers and sisters in Christ.
ReplyDeleteOffended? Naw, I don't believe people intend to be rude, they're just inexperienced in the adoption arena, and it's up to 'us' to help them understand, educate them, encourage and maybe even mentor to them.... it is what we're commanded to do.
Trying to keep it real - and gentle, of course, only after the french vanilla creamer!
:-)
We seems to start a conversation where ever we go- I generally don't mind and am not offended- to me - it is such a fascinating journey!
ReplyDeleteBUT "that question" is not my favorite. They are all my own!
We also get "are the sisters and brother"? One time Jim answered "no were just had a slumber party"! They were all in their jammies with Dad picking up some coffee!
amen-- i don't get offended either-- basically because i know people are truly curious and kind and interested- they just sometimes choose the wrong words.
ReplyDeleteit's called grace.
and LORD knows i need a lot of it:)
if you think of it-- trying to go for numero sixo-- but DH needs to get on board quicko-- our SF deadline is running out--could you pray for a huge burning bush for him?
Still to this day I fight the urge to explain all the different colors and combinations. When my game is on I like to say, "I am so blessed, don't ya think?" I will take some of the grace, Emily.
ReplyDeleteI gotta question for you! Love this post...but I'm curious how your boys talk. Seriously, how much do they get and what are their conversations like? you can email me personally if you don't want to blog about it. I'm just so curious what my girls will be talking like... I know you are crazy busy but a VERY interesting post for me and I think others would be a sample conversation. Just think about it in the next months.
ReplyDeleteBless you all and praying,
laura
I don't get offended either...good on ya!
ReplyDeleteThis old lady at McDonald's totally panicked when she saw me walking out the door with our two boys. She stopped my friend and said, "Those colored boys are leaving without their mother. They left with that blonde lady!"
I laughed for days over that one...that sweet old lady didn't want those colored boys to be misplaced, I guess.
Girl, you get a medal for having so many boys!!
ReplyDeleteWe have been blessed with 5 sons and, as you know, there is never a dull moment. There is much physical activity going on and the only time they stop is when they need to fuel up.
And I really don't get offended either with questions about our adopted daughter.
God bless you guys, I loving having a bunch of boys by the way.
Love this. I'm right there with ya! I do think my feathers will get ruffled a little more when Wesleigh is old enough to understand, but there will always be people with questions. I don't want to teach her that we should be offended...she would live her entire life with a chip on her shoulder. We don't let things bother us too much around here either. Who has the time?
ReplyDeleteLove this post! I feel the same, though our child isn't home yet so I suppose that could change. I was asked my first question with opportunity to educate the other day.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing yours.
Come visit sometime.
I'll have coffee and French Vanilla Creamer in great quantities.
6 years into our wonderful life of adoption... now with two angels of the asian kind and two more on the way... I can't go ANYWHERE without an "adoption" conversation of some kind! Am I tired of it? Are you kidding me? I LOVE IT! "Adopted" has got to be one of my favorite words in the english language! I will never tire of telling of such a miracle!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post times a gajillion. It's perfect.
ReplyDelete