"No Operative Indication"

That's what his file says.
"No operative indication."

The first time I read that I thought to myself
Super.
He (oddly enough) doesn't need any further treatment.
Even though that didn't....of course....make any sense with what I read and knew thus far that day about how sick he was.

But then you read on.
And you see
there in front of you
in
black
and
white
as they explain why and
what those words really mean.

The doctors over there have labeled him
inoperable.
"No operative indication."

So there they were, all those years ago saying no.
Nothing they can do.
And now here we are, all these years later
wondering
if there is anything anyone can do.

When she left that
tiny
blue
2 month old baby there
on the steps in front of that hospital all those years ago
it was her hope.
It had to have been.
Someone.
Someone please save him.

His file is now in the hands of the man that will try and treat him somewhat near our new home.
We expect our first phone contact with him in the coming days as we begin to discuss what, when and
the big question
Do you think you can save him?

Breathless
anticipation.

It's where I'm at today.

But honestly.
Whether God heals him this side of heaven or not
that smile.
Oh.
That.
Smile.

That says
I.Have.A.Family.
Someone.
Somewhere.
Loves me.
Has been enough to carry me through.

Because the thing is...
he knows. 
He knows he is dying.
He knows how hard a breath is to come by.
He isn't a baby.
He isn't a toddler.
He is a very bright 7 1/2 year old boy that wants nothing more
than.
to.
live.
(and watch Ultraman)
That is the hard
unimaginable
truth of this.

Adoption.
It's not for wimps.
I am part wimp.

Day 16 of the wait for LOA.
Please Lord may it be soon.