Friday, August 20, 2010

Two Boys One Cake

File Watch Day 28
No news.
But today we're gonna talk about it.

I decided to go ahead and order the cake today to be delivered to the foster home on Jacob's birthday on September 1st.

I can't stand not to.

Right now I have to technically have it delivered to Joey since we have permission to send him some things. But I am seriously, seriously hoping that God will move in a big, big way and get this file released so that we can move on to getting PA for Jacob.

If we can manage to get PA by then I have a Happy Birthday/Hey kiddo, we are you're family! letter written for him and ready to be translated to go along with the cake. If not, then I have another draft of a letter addressed to just Joey but making mention of the fact that I heard one of his friends is celebrating a birthday that day and I thought they would enjoy a cake.

It's all I can think to do right now.

Gracious my heart is so heavy today.
Going through the whole process of picking out his name got me all emotional all over again and sad for what we don't know and won't ever know.
Like what his birth parents named him.
Or where he was born.
Or when exactly he was born.
All of the same emotions we went through when we did the same for Joey but Jacob's story is different.
His story brings-me-to-my-knees.

I also realized yesterday that we are quickly approaching 1 month since they said yes to the dual adoption and about 20 days since the other agency released his file.
1 month.
And nothing has happened.
No forward movement.
At all. 

Last week there were a few days of promise.
It looked like things were gonna happen..
but now it all seems to have stalled.

I am definitely a mom divided.
Loving my kids here.
Nurturing them
Feeding them.
Playing with them.
Feeding them.
Worshiping with them.
Feeding them.

Yet all the while concerned and consumed by what's going on with my other two kids an ocean away. The love that we have for those two boys is no less than the love we have for the four that are here with us. On the one hand I think that has got to be a good thing, a great thing.
But on the other hand it makes this wait all the more agonizing.

A mom divided.
That's me.

But through it all there is this, that Jean shared today,
Hebrews 6:11-12
But we do desire for each of you to show the same diligence and sincerity in realizing and enjoying the full assurance and development of hope until the end.
Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God's promises because of their faith and endurance.

Love that.  

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you, and for that precious little guy who needs a mama and papa SOON!