If there was a way that I could eloquently,
efficiently
and beautifully
articulate the journey of the last 7 months it would be this.
It's what happens after the airport.
No really.
Go now.
Go read it.
It speaks to me.
It sings to me.
It validates me.
And it makes me feel like in those moments when I walk around in our new normal smiling on the outside
but feeling like I just might break on the inside
it soothes me.
I love so much about it..
The real
honest
ugly
beautiful
truth about what this journey of adoption is really like.
Because it?
It will rock. your. world.
There will be a palpable, earth quaking shift to every facet of your life when you step out.
Bet your booty.
It will happen.
The waters are deep
the tension can run high.
I'm not sure my brain has taken a deep breath since January 17th.
There is just
so.
much.
So, soooo much.
The intricacies of knitting a new family together
not just nurturing the new parent child relationships
but navigating the arduous waters of creating sibling bonds
of accepting where they came from
of loving them through their weaknesses
of constantly supplying a fountain of love and reassurance when your own well is running dry.
That.
That is our life.
Our new life.
It's why I feel
exhausted.
Despite it all
and less you run screaming in the other direction away from all things adoption
you should know there is some serious joy in this journey.
I would do it again.
He would do it again.
They would do it again.
Hands.
Down.
Because though this process may be magnifying my weaknesses
it has also brought me to my knees in thankfulness
in awe
with a humble heart
that I
I get to
be
their
mom.
Glory.
My good friend Colleen has begun a series of posts regarding adoption and all that comes right along with it.
The first installment begins with "Adoption is insane."
I love that.
I love that so many are coming out of that adoption closet and saying ya know what?
This. is. hard.
Love me.
Hate me.
Judge me.
Loathe me.
Do what you will.
It is what it is.
Here is my experience
now let me encourage you through yours.
Colleen emailed me a heartfelt message shortly after we returned home with the boys.
Letmetellya.
Between fits, tantrums, 8 millions bowls of ramen noodles, and many sleepless nights
it sustained me.
God is on the move friends.
His heart is adoption.
It's messy, it's hard, it's the best thing we have ever done
it's redemption.
"I followed a God into this story who heals and redeems, who restores wasted years and mends broken places. This God specializes in the Destroyed. I've seen it. I've been a part of it. I have His ancient Word that tells of it. I love a Jesus who made reconciliation his whole mission. My children will not remain broken. They are loved by too good a Savior. I will not remain exhausted and spent. I am loved by too merciful a Father. "
Seriously.
Go read it.
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I saw this when you posted on fb. Wow, I got lost in her blog for about an hr. Thanks so much for sharing. Even though we have adopted 2 times, it helps me to understand more about older children adoption and the strength/pain it takes to step into God's arms and do as he asks. Can't wait to follow your journey with JJ coming home.
ReplyDeleteLove your honesty, love their honesty. Seriously. It helps so much to prepare. We can do ALL things through Christ. We can and I repeat that to myself every day. He fills us and allows us to be on this heart-wrenching, insane, beautiful journey. All to glorify Him. Praise be to God! :)
ReplyDeleteLove your heart girlie! :)
I totally agree! Adoption is not for the faint of heart. We have had little to no support after coming home five times. Only had a welcoming committee at the airport ONE TIME! And I would love to have family to bring us meals or help out...all our "friends" were there to say "Oh she is cute!" and in the next breathe, "You guys are crazy!" But you know....I would do it again in a heartbeat!!
ReplyDeleteWell. THAT was worth waiting for. You are so dear to my heart, you amazing woman you. Thank you for the pictures of the little guys. I can't get enough of their smiles.
ReplyDeleteLoves...
Like you, I'm thankful people are stepping out and saying that this whole thing, especially the after the airport part, is HARD.
ReplyDeleteWe're stuck in Uganda right now, hoping and praying to be home with our kids before Thanksgiving. We're fortunate that we get to be together but seeing people sail through while we're stuck for no good reason can bring the uglies out in anyone. So when those same people are honest about how they're struggling at home, I can at least relate to that. We've been here a month. We've set up "house" as well as we can. We're going through all the same family growing pains because we're all here. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise but it's still hard. Being able to say that, to say this really sucks and I hate it even though I love these kids, without worrying about how people will perceive it, is an incredible thing.
However, Jen's post about God not being done yet, given our current circumstances, almost made me ugly cry.
I sobbed through your post and then really sobbed through your linked post! Wow...it's been one of those days...this made it a little better.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting!
Amen! I am familiar with the ups and downs. One main one still hurts: when asking a sibling of mine to be the guardian of my children, I was told, "No. I don't want your adopted children soiling my children." It.can.hurt.
ReplyDeleteBeing honest. Being positive. Being real. It can be hard.
Thanks for being committed to being honest. You've encouraged me to stay honest as well. So what if we're judged? All that matters is what God knows. ((HUGS!))
Agree, AGree, AGREE!!! Hard, good, happy, sad, ridiculous, hilarious, and everything else, that's what adoption is! But oh the joy, the serious joy. 100% correct girlfriend! We are also presently enjoying the tantrum and noodle stage. Good to know we are in excellent company.
ReplyDeletethanks for being real in this post.
ReplyDeletei think my blogging days are over.
just feeling the hardness of it all,
it's a lonely road and no one really understands: the joy-hard that we live in. I have not settled yet, found the new normal yet.
it's a dying to self, a sacrifice,
noodles galore, tantrums galore.
ugly
So interesting that you mention this post - I read it earlier this week. I'm doing her Bible Study at PWOC and I went to her website to see what it had to say. Lo and behold - a blog about adoption! Is God good or what? I really liked the post you linked to. Very real. Thanks for sharing and know that you are being prayed for and all those J's in your family from John to JJ (or John to Joey - not sure whether to do the youngest or the one who isn't home yet in that spot) are being prayed for as well. Thinking of you a LOT. Keep us posted!
ReplyDeleteYou done gone and blessed me girl! Seriously, you have just given my heart the life preserver I needed to get through this funk I'm in. Thanks girl! Sometimes its rough, this adoption road, and I get into a funk and get my booty drug out of it. Thank.you.very.much!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty!! We have adopted 2 girls, older, and it's really really hard...everything you said. We wouldn't change a day (in fact we're doing it again), but it's so hard somedays.Thank you for offering me-- even though we don't know each other-- a "friend" who gets it. I am a dear friend of Tina at One Blessed Nest. We were neighbors and "waiting mommy" friends on our first adoption. We've moved away now...wow, sure miss Tina. Thanks again.Been praying for JJ and the upcoming trip.
ReplyDelete